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The Merry Wives Of Windsor


William Shakespeare's signature

William Shakespeare

This is the Bookwise complete ebook of The Merry Wives Of Windsor by William Shakespeare, available to read online as an alternative to epub, mobi, kindle, pdf or text only versions. For information about the status of this work, see Copyright Notice.


The Merry Wives of Windsor or Sir John Falstaff and the Merry Wives of Windsor is a comedy by William Shakespeare first published in 1602, though believed to have been written in or before 1597. The Windsor of the play's title is a reference to the town of Windsor, also the location of Windsor Castle, in Berkshire, England. Though nominally set in the reign of Henry IV or early in the reign of Henry V, the play makes no pretence to exist outside contemporary Elizabethan era English middle class life. It features the character Sir John Falstaff, the fat knight who had previously been featured in Henry IV, Part 1 and Part 2. It has been adapted for the opera at least ten times. The play is one of Shakespeare's lesser-regarded works among literary critics. Tradition has it that The Merry Wives of Windsor was written at the request of Queen Elizabeth I. After watching Henry IV Part I, she asked Shakespeare to write a play showing Falstaff in love.

Source: Wikipedia

Dramatis Personæ

Dramatis Personæ

Mistress Ford

Ford, her husband



their servants

Mistress Page

Page, her husband

Anne, their daughter

William, their son

Doctor Caius, a French doctor, suitor to Anne Page

Mistress Quickly, the doctor’s housekeeper

John Rugby, the doctor’s manservant

Sir Hugh Evans, a Welsh parson

Host of the Garter Inn

Windsor Children, disguised as fairies

Sir John Falstaff, an impoverished knight

Robin, his page




Falstaff’s servants

Fenton, a gentleman, suitor to Anne Page

Robert Shallow, a visiting justice of the peace

Abraham Slender, his nephew, a young gentleman suitor to Anne Page

Simple, Slender’s servant


Scene 1

Enter Justice Shallow, Slender, and Sir Hugh Evans.

line 0001SHALLOWSir Hugh, persuade me not. I will make a
line 0002Star-Chamber matter of it. If he were twenty Sir
line 0003John Falstaffs, he shall not abuse Robert Shallow,
line 0004Esquire.
5line 0005SLENDERIn the county of Gloucester, Justice of Peace
line 0006and Coram.
line 0007SHALLOWAy, Cousin Slender, and Custalorum.
line 0008SLENDERAy, and Ratolorum too; and a gentleman born,
line 0009Master Parson, who writes himself “Armigero”
10line 0010in any bill, warrant, quittance, or obligation—
line 0011“Armigero!”
line 0012SHALLOWAy, that I do, and have done any time these
line 0013three hundred years.
line 0014SLENDERAll his successors gone before him hath
15line 0015done ’t, and all his ancestors that come after him
line 0016may. They may give the dozen white luces in their
line 0017coat.
line 0018SHALLOWIt is an old coat.
line 0019SIR HUGHThe dozen white louses do become an old
20line 0020coat well. It agrees well, passant. It is a familiar
line 0021beast to man and signifies love.
line 0022SHALLOWThe luce is the fresh fish. The salt fish is an
line 0023old coat.
line 0024SLENDERI may quarter, coz.
Act 1 Scene 1 - Pg 9 25line 0025SHALLOWYou may, by marrying.
line 0026SIR HUGHIt is marring indeed, if he quarter it.
line 0027SHALLOWNot a whit.
line 0028SIR HUGHYes, py ’r Lady. If he has a quarter of your
line 0029coat, there is but three skirts for yourself, in my
30line 0030simple conjectures. But that is all one. If Sir John
line 0031Falstaff have committed disparagements unto you,
line 0032I am of the Church, and will be glad to do my
line 0033benevolence to make atonements and compromises
line 0034between you.
35line 0035SHALLOWThe Council shall hear it; it is a riot.
line 0036SIR HUGHIt is not meet the Council hear a riot. There
line 0037is no fear of Got in a riot. The Council, look you,
line 0038shall desire to hear the fear of Got, and not to hear
line 0039a riot. Take your visaments in that.
40line 0040SHALLOWHa! O’ my life, if I were young again, the
line 0041sword should end it.
line 0042SIR HUGHIt is petter that friends is the sword, and end
line 0043it. And there is also another device in my prain,
line 0044which peradventure prings goot discretions with
45line 0045it. There is Anne Page, which is daughter to Master
line 0046Thomas Page, which is pretty virginity.
line 0047SLENDERMistress Anne Page? She has brown hair
line 0048and speaks small like a woman?
line 0049SIR HUGHIt is that fery person for all the ’orld, as just
50line 0050as you will desire. And seven hundred pounds of
line 0051moneys, and gold, and silver, is her grandsire upon
line 0052his death’s-bed (Got deliver to a joyful resurrections!)
line 0053give, when she is able to overtake seventeen
line 0054years old. It were a goot motion if we leave our
55line 0055pribbles and prabbles, and desire a marriage between
line 0056Master Abraham and Mistress Anne Page.
line 0057SLENDERDid her grandsire leave her seven hundred
line 0058pound?
line 0059SIR HUGHAy, and her father is make her a petter
60line 0060penny.
Act 1 Scene 1 - Pg 11 line 0061SLENDERI know the young gentlewoman. She has
line 0062good gifts.
line 0063SIR HUGHSeven hundred pounds and possibilities is
line 0064goot gifts.
65line 0065SHALLOWWell, let us see honest Master Page. Is Falstaff
line 0066there?
line 0067SIR HUGHShall I tell you a lie? I do despise a liar as I
line 0068do despise one that is false, or as I despise one that
line 0069is not true. The knight Sir John is there, and I beseech
70line 0070you be ruled by your well-willers. I will peat
line 0071the door for Master Page. He knocks. What ho?
line 0072Got pless your house here.
line 0073PAGEwithin Who’s there?
line 0074SIR HUGHHere is Got’s plessing, and your friend, and
75line 0075Justice Shallow, and here young Master Slender,
line 0076that peradventures shall tell you another tale, if
line 0077matters grow to your likings.

Enter Master Page.

line 0078PAGEI am glad to see your Worships well. I thank you
line 0079for my venison, Master Shallow.
80line 0080SHALLOWMaster Page, I am glad to see you. Much
line 0081good do it your good heart! I wished your venison
line 0082better; it was ill killed. How doth good Mistress
line 0083Page? And I thank you always with my heart, la,
line 0084with my heart.
85line 0085PAGESir, I thank you.
line 0086SHALLOWSir, I thank you; by yea and no, I do.
line 0087PAGEI am glad to see you, good Master Slender.
line 0088SLENDERHow does your fallow greyhound, sir? I
line 0089heard say he was outrun on Cotsall.
90line 0090PAGEIt could not be judged, sir.
line 0091SLENDERYou’ll not confess, you’ll not confess.
line 0092SHALLOWThat he will not. ’Tis your fault, ’tis your
line 0093fault. ’Tis a good dog.
line 0094PAGEA cur, sir.
Act 1 Scene 1 - Pg 13 95line 0095SHALLOWSir, he’s a good dog and a fair dog. Can there
line 0096be more said? He is good and fair. Is Sir John Falstaff
line 0097here?
line 0098PAGESir, he is within, and I would I could do a good
line 0099office between you.
100line 0100SIR HUGHIt is spoke as a Christians ought to speak.
line 0101SHALLOWHe hath wronged me, Master Page.
line 0102PAGESir, he doth in some sort confess it.
line 0103SHALLOWIf it be confessed, it is not redressed. Is not
line 0104that so, Master Page? He hath wronged me, indeed
105line 0105he hath; at a word, he hath. Believe me. Robert
line 0106Shallow, Esquire, saith he is wronged.

Enter Sir John Falstaff, Bardolph, Nym, and Pistol.

line 0107PAGEHere comes Sir John.
line 0108FALSTAFFNow, Master Shallow, you’ll complain of me
line 0109to the King?
110line 0110SHALLOWKnight, you have beaten my men, killed my
line 0111deer, and broke open my lodge.
line 0112FALSTAFFBut not kissed your keeper’s daughter.
line 0113SHALLOWTut, a pin. This shall be answered.
line 0114FALSTAFFI will answer it straight: I have done all this.
115line 0115That is now answered.
line 0116SHALLOWThe Council shall know this.
line 0117FALSTAFF’Twere better for you if it were known in
line 0118counsel. You’ll be laughed at.
line 0119SIR HUGHPauca verba, Sir John, good worts.
120line 0120FALSTAFFGood worts? Good cabbage!—Slender, I
line 0121broke your head. What matter have you against
line 0122me?
line 0123SLENDERMarry, sir, I have matter in my head against
line 0124you and against your cony-catching rascals, Bardolph,
125line 0125Nym, and Pistol.
line 0126BARDOLPHYou Banbury cheese!
line 0127SLENDERAy, it is no matter.
line 0128PISTOLHow now, Mephostophilus?
Act 1 Scene 1 - Pg 15 line 0129SLENDERAy, it is no matter.
130line 0130NYMSlice, I say! Pauca, pauca. Slice, that’s my humor.
line 0131SLENDERto Shallow Where’s Simple, my man?
line 0132Can you tell, cousin?
line 0133SIR HUGHPeace, I pray you. Now let us understand;
line 0134there is three umpires in this matter, as I understand:
135line 0135that is, Master Page (fidelicet Master Page);
line 0136and there is myself (fidelicet myself); and the three
line 0137party is, lastly and finally, mine Host of the Garter.
line 0138PAGEWe three to hear it and end it between them.
line 0139SIR HUGHFery goot. I will make a prief of it in my
140line 0140notebook, and we will afterwards ’ork upon the
line 0141cause with as great discreetly as we can.
line 0142FALSTAFFPistol.
line 0143PISTOLHe hears with ears.
line 0144SIR HUGHThe tevil and his tam! What phrase is this,
145line 0145“He hears with ear”? Why, it is affectations.
line 0146FALSTAFFPistol, did you pick Master Slender’s purse?
line 0147SLENDERAy, by these gloves, did he—or I would I
line 0148might never come in mine own great chamber
line 0149again else—of seven groats in mill-sixpences,
150line 0150and two Edward shovel-boards that cost me two
line 0151shilling and twopence apiece of Yed Miller, by
line 0152these gloves.
line 0153FALSTAFFIs this true, Pistol?
line 0154SIR HUGHNo, it is false, if it is a pickpurse.
155line 0155PISTOLHa, thou mountain foreigner!—Sir John and
line 0156master mine, I combat challenge of this latten
line 0157bilbo.—Word of denial in thy labras here! Word of
line 0158denial! Froth and scum, thou liest.
line 0159SLENDERindicating Nym By these gloves, then ’twas
160line 0160he.
line 0161NYMBe avised, sir, and pass good humors. I will say
line 0162“marry trap with you” if you run the nuthook’s
line 0163humor on me. That is the very note of it.
Act 1 Scene 1 - Pg 17 line 0164SLENDERBy this hat, then, he in the red face had it.
165line 0165For, though I cannot remember what I did when
line 0166you made me drunk, yet I am not altogether an
line 0167ass.
line 0168FALSTAFFWhat say you, Scarlet and John?
line 0169BARDOLPHWhy, sir, for my part, I say the gentleman
170line 0170had drunk himself out of his five sentences.
line 0171SIR HUGHIt is “his five senses.” Fie, what the ignorance
line 0172is!
line 0173BARDOLPHto Falstaff And being fap, sir, was, as
line 0174they say, cashiered. And so conclusions passed the
175line 0175careers.
line 0176SLENDERAy, you spake in Latin then too. But ’tis no
line 0177matter. I’ll ne’er be drunk whilst I live again but in
line 0178honest, civil, godly company, for this trick. If I be
line 0179drunk, I’ll be drunk with those that have the fear of
180line 0180God, and not with drunken knaves.
line 0181SIR HUGHSo Got ’udge me, that is a virtuous mind.
line 0182FALSTAFFYou hear all these matters denied, gentlemen.
line 0183You hear it.

Enter Anne Page with wine.

line 0184PAGENay, daughter, carry the wine in. We’ll drink
185line 0185within.Anne Page exits.
line 0186SLENDERO heaven, this is Mistress Anne Page.

Enter Mistress Ford and Mistress Page.

line 0187PAGEHow now, Mistress Ford?
line 0188FALSTAFFMistress Ford, by my troth, you are very well
line 0189met. By your leave, good mistress.He kisses her.
190line 0190PAGEWife, bid these gentlemen welcome.—Come, we
line 0191have a hot venison pasty to dinner. Come, gentlemen,
line 0192I hope we shall drink down all unkindness.

All but Slender, Shallow, and Sir Hugh exit.

line 0193SLENDERI had rather than forty shillings I had my
line 0194book of Songs and Sonnets here!
Act 1 Scene 1 - Pg 19

Enter Simple.

195line 0195How now, Simple? Where have you been? I must
line 0196wait on myself, must I? You have not the Book of
line 0197Riddles about you, have you?
line 0198SIMPLEBook of Riddles? Why, did you not lend it to
line 0199Alice Shortcake upon Allhallowmas last, a fortnight
200line 0200afore Michaelmas?
line 0201SHALLOWto Slender Come, coz; come, coz. We stay
line 0202for you. A word with you, coz. Marry, this, coz:
line 0203there is, as ’twere, a tender, a kind of tender, made
line 0204afar off by Sir Hugh here. Do you understand me?
205line 0205SLENDERAy, sir, you shall find me reasonable. If it be
line 0206so, I shall do that that is reason.
line 0207SHALLOWNay, but understand me.
line 0208SLENDERSo I do, sir.
line 0209SIR HUGHGive ear to his motions, Master Slender. I
210line 0210will description the matter to you, if you be capacity
line 0211of it.
line 0212SLENDERNay, I will do as my cousin Shallow says. I
line 0213pray you, pardon me. He’s a Justice of Peace in his
line 0214country, simple though I stand here.
215line 0215SIR HUGHBut that is not the question. The question is
line 0216concerning your marriage.
line 0217SHALLOWAy, there’s the point, sir.
line 0218SIR HUGHMarry, is it, the very point of it—to Mistress
line 0219Anne Page.
220line 0220SLENDERWhy, if it be so, I will marry her upon any
line 0221reasonable demands.
line 0222SIR HUGHBut can you affection the ’oman? Let us command
line 0223to know that of your mouth, or of your lips;
line 0224for divers philosophers hold that the lips is parcel of
225line 0225the mouth. Therefore, precisely, can you carry your
line 0226good will to the maid?
line 0227SHALLOWCousin Abraham Slender, can you love her?
Act 1 Scene 1 - Pg 21 line 0228SLENDERI hope, sir, I will do as it shall become one
line 0229that would do reason.
230line 0230SIR HUGHNay, Got’s lords and His ladies! You must
line 0231speak positable, if you can carry her your desires
line 0232towards her.
line 0233SHALLOWThat you must. Will you, upon good dowry,
line 0234marry her?
235line 0235SLENDERI will do a greater thing than that, upon your
line 0236request, cousin, in any reason.
line 0237SHALLOWNay, conceive me, conceive me, sweet coz.
line 0238What I do is to pleasure you, coz. Can you love the
line 0239maid?
240line 0240SLENDERI will marry her, sir, at your request. But if
line 0241there be no great love in the beginning, yet heaven
line 0242may decrease it upon better acquaintance, when
line 0243we are married and have more occasion to know
line 0244one another. I hope upon familiarity will grow
245line 0245more content. But if you say “Marry her,” I will
line 0246marry her. That I am freely dissolved, and
line 0247dissolutely.
line 0248SIR HUGHIt is a fery discretion answer, save the fall is
line 0249in the ’ord “dissolutely.” The ’ort is, according to
250line 0250our meaning, “resolutely.” His meaning is good.
line 0251SHALLOWAy, I think my cousin meant well.
line 0252SLENDERAy, or else I would I might be hanged, la!

Enter Anne Page.

line 0253SHALLOWHere comes fair Mistress Anne.—Would I
line 0254were young for your sake, Mistress Anne.
255line 0255ANNEThe dinner is on the table. My father desires
line 0256your Worships’ company.
line 0257SHALLOWI will wait on him, fair Mistress Anne.
line 0258SIR HUGH’Od’s plessèd will, I will not be absence at
line 0259the grace.Sir Hugh and Shallow exit.
260line 0260ANNEto Slender Will ’t please your Worship to come
line 0261in, sir?
Act 1 Scene 1 - Pg 23 line 0262SLENDERNo, I thank you, forsooth, heartily. I am very
line 0263well.
line 0264ANNEThe dinner attends you, sir.
265line 0265SLENDERI am not ahungry, I thank you, forsooth. To Simple.
line 0266Go, sirrah, for all you are my man, go
line 0267wait upon my cousin Shallow. Simple exits. A
line 0268Justice of Peace sometime may be beholding to his
line 0269friend for a man. I keep but three men and a boy
270line 0270yet, till my mother be dead. But what though? Yet
line 0271I live like a poor gentleman born.
line 0272ANNEI may not go in without your Worship. They will
line 0273not sit till you come.
line 0274SLENDERI’ faith, I’ll eat nothing. I thank you as much
275line 0275as though I did.
line 0276ANNEI pray you, sir, walk in.
line 0277SLENDERI had rather walk here, I thank you. I bruised
line 0278my shin th’ other day with playing at sword and
line 0279dagger with a master of fence—three veneys for a
280line 0280dish of stewed prunes—and, by my troth, I cannot
line 0281abide the smell of hot meat since. Why do your
line 0282dogs bark so? Be there bears i’ th’ town?
line 0283ANNEI think there are, sir. I heard them talked of.
line 0284SLENDERI love the sport well, but I shall as soon quarrel
285line 0285at it as any man in England. You are afraid if
line 0286you see the bear loose, are you not?
line 0287ANNEAy, indeed, sir.
line 0288SLENDERThat’s meat and drink to me, now. I have
line 0289seen Sackerson loose twenty times, and have taken
290line 0290him by the chain. But, I warrant you, the women
line 0291have so cried and shrieked at it that it passed. But
line 0292women, indeed, cannot abide ’em; they are very ill-favored
line 0293rough things.

Enter Page.

line 0294PAGECome, gentle Master Slender, come. We stay for
295line 0295you.
Act 1 Scene 2 - Pg 25 line 0296SLENDERI’ll eat nothing, I thank you, sir.
line 0297PAGEBy cock and pie, you shall not choose, sir! Come,
line 0298come.
line 0299SLENDERNay, pray you, lead the way.
300line 0300PAGECome on, sir.
line 0301SLENDERMistress Anne, yourself shall go first.
line 0302ANNENot I, sir. Pray you, keep on.
line 0303SLENDERTruly, I will not go first, truly, la! I will not do
line 0304you that wrong.
305line 0305ANNEI pray you, sir.
line 0306SLENDERI’ll rather be unmannerly than troublesome.
line 0307You do yourself wrong, indeed, la!

They exit.

Scene 2

Enter Sir Hugh Evans and Simple.

line 0308SIR HUGHGo your ways, and ask of Doctor Caius’
line 0309house which is the way. And there dwells one Mistress
line 0310Quickly, which is in the manner of his nurse,
line 0311or his dry nurse, or his cook, or his laundry—his
5line 0312washer and his wringer.
line 0313SIMPLEWell, sir.
line 0314SIR HUGHNay, it is petter yet. Give her this letter
line 0315handing him a paper, for it is a ’oman that altogether’s
line 0316acquaintance with Mistress Anne Page;
10line 0317and the letter is to desire and require her to solicit
line 0318your master’s desires to Mistress Anne Page. I pray
line 0319you, be gone. I will make an end of my dinner;
line 0320there’s pippins and cheese to come.

They exit.

Act 1 Scene 3 - Pg 27

Scene 3

Enter Sir John Falstaff, Host, Bardolph, Nym, Pistol, and Robin, Falstaff’s Page.

line 0321FALSTAFFMine Host of the Garter!
line 0322HOSTWhat says my bullyrook? Speak scholarly and
line 0323wisely.
line 0324FALSTAFFTruly, mine Host, I must turn away some of
5line 0325my followers.
line 0326HOSTDiscard, bully Hercules, cashier. Let them wag;
line 0327trot, trot.
line 0328FALSTAFFI sit at ten pounds a week.
line 0329HOSTThou ’rt an emperor—Caesar, Keiser, and
10line 0330Pheazar. I will entertain Bardolph. He shall draw,
line 0331he shall tap. Said I well, bully Hector?
line 0332FALSTAFFDo so, good mine Host.
line 0333HOSTI have spoke. Let him follow.—Let me see thee
line 0334froth and lime. I am at a word. Follow.

Host exits.

15line 0335FALSTAFFBardolph, follow him. A tapster is a good
line 0336trade. An old cloak makes a new jerkin, a withered
line 0337servingman a fresh tapster. Go. Adieu.
line 0338BARDOLPHIt is a life that I have desired. I will thrive.
line 0339PISTOLO base Hungarian wight, wilt thou the spigot
20line 0340wield?Bardolph exits.
line 0341NYMHe was gotten in drink. Is not the humor
line 0342conceited?
line 0343FALSTAFFI am glad I am so acquit of this tinderbox.
line 0344His thefts were too open. His filching was like an
25line 0345unskillful singer; he kept not time.
line 0346NYMThe good humor is to steal at a minute’s rest.
line 0347PISTOL“Convey,” the wise it call. “Steal”? Foh, a fico
line 0348for the phrase!
line 0349FALSTAFFWell, sirs, I am almost out at heels.
30line 0350PISTOLWhy, then, let kibes ensue.
line 0351FALSTAFFThere is no remedy. I must cony-catch, I
line 0352must shift.
Act 1 Scene 3 - Pg 29 line 0353PISTOLYoung ravens must have food.
line 0354FALSTAFFWhich of you know Ford of this town?
35line 0355PISTOLI ken the wight. He is of substance good.
line 0356FALSTAFFMy honest lads, I will tell you what I am
line 0357about.
line 0358PISTOLTwo yards and more.
line 0359FALSTAFFNo quips now, Pistol. Indeed, I am in the
40line 0360waist two yards about, but I am now about no
line 0361waste; I am about thrift. Briefly, I do mean to make
line 0362love to Ford’s wife. I spy entertainment in her. She
line 0363discourses; she carves; she gives the leer of invitation.
line 0364I can construe the action of her familiar style;
45line 0365and the hardest voice of her behavior, to be Englished
line 0366rightly, is “I am Sir John Falstaff’s.”
line 0367PISTOLaside to Nym He hath studied her will and
line 0368translated her will—out of honesty into English.
line 0369NYMaside to Pistol The anchor is deep. Will that
50line 0370humor pass?
line 0371FALSTAFFNow, the report goes, she has all the rule of
line 0372her husband’s purse. He hath a legion of angels.
line 0373PISTOLaside to Nym As many devils entertain, and
line 0374“To her, boy,” say I.
55line 0375NYMaside to Pistol The humor rises; it is good.
line 0376Humor me the angels.
line 0377FALSTAFFshowing two papers I have writ me here a
line 0378letter to her; and here another to Page’s wife, who
line 0379even now gave me good eyes too, examined my
60line 0380parts with most judicious oeillades. Sometimes
line 0381the beam of her view gilded my foot, sometimes
line 0382my portly belly.
line 0383PISTOLaside to Nym Then did the sun on dunghill
line 0384shine.
65line 0385NYMaside to Pistol I thank thee for that humor.
line 0386FALSTAFFO, she did so course o’er my exteriors with
line 0387such a greedy intention that the appetite of her
line 0388eye did seem to scorch me up like a burning-glass.
Act 1 Scene 3 - Pg 31 line 0389Here’s another letter to her. She bears the purse
70line 0390too; she is a region in Guiana, all gold and bounty.
line 0391I will be cheaters to them both, and they shall be
line 0392exchequers to me; they shall be my East and West
line 0393Indies, and I will trade to them both. Go bear thou
line 0394this letter to Mistress Page—and thou this to Mistress
75line 0395Ford. We will thrive, lads, we will thrive.
line 0396Shall I Sir Pandarus of Troy become,
line 0397And by my side wear steel? Then Lucifer take all!
line 0398NYMto Falstaff I will run no base humor. Here, take
line 0399the humor-letter. I will keep the havior of
80line 0400reputation.
FALSTAFFgiving papers to Robin
line 0401Hold, sirrah, bear you these letters tightly;
line 0402Sail like my pinnace to these golden shores.—
line 0403Rogues, hence, avaunt, vanish like hailstones, go,
line 0404Trudge, plod away i’ th’ hoof, seek shelter, pack!
85line 0405Falstaff will learn the humor of the age:
line 0406French thrift, you rogues—myself and skirted page.

Falstaff and Robin exit.

line 0407Let vultures gripe thy guts! For gourd and fullam
line 0408holds,
line 0409And high and low beguiles the rich and poor.
90line 0410Tester I’ll have in pouch when thou shalt lack,
line 0411Base Phrygian Turk!
line 0412NYMI have operations which be humors of revenge.
line 0413PISTOLWilt thou revenge?
line 0414NYMBy welkin and her star!
95line 0415PISTOLWith wit or steel?
line 0416NYMWith both the humors, I. I will discuss the
line 0417humor of this love to Ford.
line 0418And I to Page shall eke unfold
line 0419How Falstaff, varlet vile,
Act 1 Scene 4 - Pg 33 100line 0420His dove will prove, his gold will hold,
line 0421And his soft couch defile.
line 0422NYMMy humor shall not cool. I will incense Ford to
line 0423deal with poison. I will possess him with yellowness,
line 0424for the revolt of mine is dangerous. That is
105line 0425my true humor.
line 0426PISTOLThou art the Mars of malcontents. I second
line 0427thee. Troop on.

They exit.

Scene 4

Enter Mistress Quickly and Simple.

line 0428MISTRESS QUICKLYWhat, John Rugby! Enter John Rugby.
line 0429I pray thee, go to the casement and see if
line 0430you can see my master, Master Doctor Caius, coming.
line 0431If he do, i’ faith, and find anybody in the
5line 0432house, here will be an old abusing of God’s patience
line 0433and the King’s English.
line 0434RUGBYI’ll go watch.
line 0435MISTRESS QUICKLYGo, and we’ll have a posset for ’t
line 0436soon at night, in faith, at the latter end of a seacoal
10line 0437fire. Rugby exits. An honest, willing, kind fellow
line 0438as ever servant shall come in house withal; and, I
line 0439warrant you, no telltale nor no breed-bate. His
line 0440worst fault is that he is given to prayer. He is something
line 0441peevish that way, but nobody but has his
15line 0442fault. But let that pass. Peter Simple you say your
line 0443name is?
line 0444SIMPLEAy, for fault of a better.
line 0445MISTRESS QUICKLYAnd Master Slender’s your master?
line 0446SIMPLEAy, forsooth.
20line 0447MISTRESS QUICKLYDoes he not wear a great round
line 0448beard like a glover’s paring knife?
line 0449SIMPLENo, forsooth. He hath but a little wee face,
line 0450with a little yellow beard, a Cain-colored beard.
Act 1 Scene 4 - Pg 35 line 0451MISTRESS QUICKLYA softly-sprited man, is he not?
25line 0452SIMPLEAy, forsooth. But he is as tall a man of his
line 0453hands as any is between this and his head. He hath
line 0454fought with a warrener.
line 0455MISTRESS QUICKLYHow say you? O, I should remember
line 0456him. Does he not hold up his head, as it were,
30line 0457and strut in his gait?
line 0458SIMPLEYes, indeed, does he.
line 0459MISTRESS QUICKLYWell, heaven send Anne Page no
line 0460worse fortune! Tell Master Parson Evans I will do
line 0461what I can for your master. Anne is a good girl, and
35line 0462I wish—

Enter Rugby.

line 0463RUGBYOut, alas! Here comes my master.
line 0464MISTRESS QUICKLYWe shall all be shent.—Run in here,
line 0465good young man. Go into this closet. He will not
line 0466stay long. Simple exits. What, John Rugby!
40line 0467John! What, John, I say! Go, John, go enquire for
line 0468my master. I doubt he be not well, that he comes
line 0469not home.Rugby exits.
line 0470She sings. And down, down, adown ’a, etc.

Enter Doctor Caius.

line 0471DOCTOR CAIUSVat is you sing? I do not like dese toys.
45line 0472Pray you, go and vetch me in my closet Pray you, go and vetch me in my closet
line 0473vert, a box, a green-a box. Do intend vat I speak?
line 0474A green-a box.
line 0475MISTRESS QUICKLYAy, forsooth. I’ll fetch it you.
line 0476Aside. I am glad he went not in himself. If he
50line 0477had found the young man, he would have been
line 0478horn-mad.She exits.
line 0479DOCTOR CAIUSFe, fe, fe, fe! Ma foi, il fait fort chaud. Je
line 0480m’en vais à la cour—la grande affaire.

Enter Mistress Quickly with a small box.

line 0481MISTRESS QUICKLYIs it this, sir?
55line 0482DOCTOR CAIUSOui, mets-le à mon pocket. Oui, mets-le à mon,
line 0483quickly. Vere is dat knave Rugby?
Act 1 Scene 4 - Pg 37 line 0484MISTRESS QUICKLYWhat, John Rugby, John!

Enter Rugby.

line 0485RUGBYHere, sir.
line 0486DOCTOR CAIUSYou are John Rugby, and you are Jack
60line 0487Rugby. Come, take-a your rapier, and come after
line 0488my heel to the court.
line 0489RUGBY’Tis ready, sir, here in the porch.
line 0490DOCTOR CAIUSBy my trot, I tarry too long. Od’s
line 0491me! Qu’ai-j’oublié? Dere is some simples in my
65line 0492closet dat I vill not for the varld I shall leave
line 0493behind.He exits.
line 0494MISTRESS QUICKLYAy me! He’ll find the young man
line 0495there, and be mad!

Enter Doctor Caius.

line 0496DOCTOR CAIUSO diable, diable! Vat is in my closet? Villainy!
70line 0497Larron! Pulling out Simple. Rugby, my
line 0498rapier!
line 0499MISTRESS QUICKLYGood master, be content.
line 0500DOCTOR CAIUSWherefore shall I be content-a?
line 0501MISTRESS QUICKLYThe young man is an honest man.
75line 0502DOCTOR CAIUSWhat shall de honest man do in my
line 0503closet? Dere is no honest man dat shall come in
line 0504my closet.
line 0505MISTRESS QUICKLYI beseech you, be not so phlegmatic.
line 0506Hear the truth of it. He came of an errand to me
80line 0507from Parson Hugh.
line 0508DOCTOR CAIUSVell?
line 0509SIMPLEAy, forsooth. To desire her to—
line 0510MISTRESS QUICKLYPeace, I pray you.
line 0511DOCTOR CAIUSPeace-a your tongue.—Speak-a your
85line 0512tale.
line 0513SIMPLETo desire this honest gentlewoman, your
line 0514maid, to speak a good word to Mistress Anne Page
line 0515for my master in the way of marriage.
Act 1 Scene 4 - Pg 39 line 0516MISTRESS QUICKLYThis is all, indeed, la! But I’ll ne’er
90line 0517put my finger in the fire, and need not.
line 0518DOCTOR CAIUSto Simple Sir Hugh send-a you?—
line 0519Rugby, baille me some paper.—Tarry you a little-a
line 0520while.

Rugby brings paper, and Doctor Caius writes.

line 0521MISTRESS QUICKLYaside to Simple I am glad he is so
95line 0522quiet. If he had been throughly moved, you should
line 0523have heard him so loud and so melancholy. But
line 0524notwithstanding, man, I’ll do you your master
line 0525what good I can. And the very yea and the no is,
line 0526the French doctor, my master—I may call him my
100line 0527master, look you, for I keep his house, and I wash,
line 0528wring, brew, bake, scour, dress meat and drink,
line 0529make the beds, and do all myself—
line 0530SIMPLEaside to Quickly ’Tis a great charge to come
line 0531under one body’s hand.
105line 0532MISTRESS QUICKLYaside to Simple Are you advised o’
line 0533that? You shall find it a great charge. And to be up
line 0534early and down late. But notwithstanding—to tell
line 0535you in your ear; I would have no words of it—my
line 0536master himself is in love with Mistress Anne Page.
110line 0537But notwithstanding that, I know Anne’s mind.
line 0538That’s neither here nor there.
line 0539DOCTOR CAIUShanding paper to Simple You, jack’nape,
line 0540give-a this letter to Sir Hugh. By gar, it is a
line 0541shallenge. I will cut his troat in de park, and I will
115line 0542teach a scurvy jackanape priest to meddle or
line 0543make. You may be gone. It is not good you tarry
line 0544here.—By gar, I will cut all his two stones. By gar,
line 0545he shall not have a stone to throw at his dog.

Simple exits.

line 0546MISTRESS QUICKLYAlas, he speaks but for his friend.
120line 0547DOCTOR CAIUSIt is no matter-a ver dat. Do not you tell-a
line 0548me dat I shall have Anne Page for myself? By gar, I
line 0549vill kill de jack priest; and I have appointed mine
Act 1 Scene 4 - Pg 41 line 0550Host of de Jarteer to measure our weapon. By gar,
line 0551I will myself have Anne Page.
125line 0552MISTRESS QUICKLYSir, the maid loves you, and all shall
line 0553be well. We must give folks leave to prate. What
line 0554the goodyear!
line 0555DOCTOR CAIUSRugby, come to the court with me.
line 0556To Mistress Quickly. By gar, if I have not Anne Page,
130line 0557I shall turn your head out of my door.—Follow my
line 0558heels, Rugby.
line 0559MISTRESS QUICKLYYou shall have Anne—

Caius and Rugby exit.

line 0560fool’s head of your own. No, I know Anne’s mind
line 0561for that. Never a woman in Windsor knows more
135line 0562of Anne’s mind than I do, nor can do more than I
line 0563do with her, I thank heaven.
line 0564FENTONwithin Who’s within there, ho?
line 0565MISTRESS QUICKLYWho’s there, I trow? Come near the
line 0566house, I pray you.

Enter Fenton.

140line 0567FENTONHow now, good woman? How dost thou?
line 0568MISTRESS QUICKLYThe better that it pleases your good
line 0569Worship to ask.
line 0570FENTONWhat news? How does pretty Mistress Anne?
line 0571MISTRESS QUICKLYIn truth, sir, and she is pretty, and
145line 0572honest, and gentle; and one that is your friend, I
line 0573can tell you that by the way, I praise heaven for it.
line 0574FENTONShall I do any good, think’st thou? Shall I not
line 0575lose my suit?
line 0576MISTRESS QUICKLYTroth, sir, all is in His hands above.
150line 0577But notwithstanding, Master Fenton, I’ll be sworn
line 0578on a book she loves you. Have not your Worship a
line 0579wart above your eye?
line 0580FENTONYes, marry, have I. What of that?
line 0581MISTRESS QUICKLYWell, thereby hangs a tale. Good
155line 0582faith, it is such another Nan! But, I detest, an honest
Act 1 Scene 4 - Pg 43 line 0583maid as ever broke bread. We had an hour’s
line 0584talk of that wart. I shall never laugh but in that
line 0585maid’s company. But, indeed, she is given too
line 0586much to allicholy and musing. But, for you,—well,
160line 0587go to.
line 0588FENTONWell, I shall see her today. Hold, there’s
line 0589money for thee. He hands her money. Let me
line 0590have thy voice in my behalf. If thou see’st her before
line 0591me, commend me.
165line 0592MISTRESS QUICKLYWill I? I’ faith, that we will. And I
line 0593will tell your Worship more of the wart the next
line 0594time we have confidence, and of other wooers.
line 0595FENTONWell, farewell. I am in great haste now.
line 0596MISTRESS QUICKLYFarewell to your Worship.

(Fenton exits.)

170line 0597Truly an honest gentleman—but Anne loves him
line 0598not, for I know Anne’s mind as well as another
line 0599does. Out upon ’t! What have I forgot?

She exits.


Scene 1

Enter Mistress Page reading a letter.

line 0600MISTRESS PAGEWhat, have I ’scaped love letters in
line 0601the holiday time of my beauty, and am I now a
line 0602subject for them? Let me see.
She reads.
line 0603Ask me no reason why I love you, for though Love
5line 0604use Reason for his precisian, he admits him not for
line 0605his counselor. You are not young; no more am I. Go
line 0606to, then, there’s sympathy. You are merry; so am I.
line 0607Ha, ha, then, there’s more sympathy. You love sack,
line 0608and so do I. Would you desire better sympathy? Let
10line 0609it suffice thee, Mistress Page—at the least, if the love
line 0610of soldier can suffice—that I love thee. I will not say
line 0611pity me—’tis not a soldier-like phrase—but I say love
line 0612me. By me,
line 0613Thine own true knight,
15line 0614By day or night,
line 0615Or any kind of light,
line 0616With all his might
line 0617For thee to fight,
line 0618John Falstaff.
20line 0619What a Herod of Jewry is this! O wicked, wicked
line 0620world! One that is well-nigh worn to pieces with
line 0621age, to show himself a young gallant! What an
line 0622unweighed behavior hath this Flemish drunkard
Act 2 Scene 1 - Pg 49 line 0623picked—with the devil’s name!—out of my conversation,
25line 0624that he dares in this manner assay me?
line 0625Why, he hath not been thrice in my company!
line 0626What should I say to him? I was then frugal of my
line 0627mirth. Heaven forgive me! Why, I’ll exhibit a bill
line 0628in the Parliament for the putting down of men.
30line 0629How shall I be revenged on him? For revenged I
line 0630will be, as sure as his guts are made of puddings.

Enter Mistress Ford.

line 0631MISTRESS FORDMistress Page! Trust me, I was going to
line 0632your house.
line 0633MISTRESS PAGEAnd, trust me, I was coming to you.
35line 0634You look very ill.
line 0635MISTRESS FORDNay, I’ll ne’er believe that. I have to
line 0636show to the contrary.
line 0637MISTRESS PAGEFaith, but you do, in my mind.
line 0638MISTRESS FORDWell, I do, then. Yet I say I could show
40line 0639you to the contrary. O Mistress Page, give me some
line 0640counsel.
line 0641MISTRESS PAGEWhat’s the matter, woman?
line 0642MISTRESS FORDO woman, if it were not for one trifling
line 0643respect, I could come to such honor!
45line 0644MISTRESS PAGEHang the trifle, woman; take the honor.
line 0645What is it? Dispense with trifles. What is it?
line 0646MISTRESS FORDIf I would but go to hell for an eternal
line 0647moment or so, I could be knighted.
line 0648MISTRESS PAGEWhat, thou liest! Sir Alice Ford? These
50line 0649knights will hack, and so thou shouldst not alter
line 0650the article of thy gentry.
line 0651MISTRESS FORDWe burn daylight. Here, read, read. Perceive
line 0652how I might be knighted.
line 0653She gives a paper to Mistress Page, who reads it. I shall think the
55line 0654worse of fat men as long as I have an eye to make
line 0655difference of men’s liking. And yet he would not
line 0656swear; praised women’s modesty; and gave such
Act 2 Scene 1 - Pg 51 line 0657orderly and well-behaved reproof to all uncomeliness
line 0658that I would have sworn his disposition
60line 0659would have gone to the truth of his words. But
line 0660they do no more adhere and keep place together
line 0661than the Hundredth Psalm to the tune of
line 0662“Greensleeves.” What tempest, I trow, threw this
line 0663whale, with so many tuns of oil in his belly, ashore
65line 0664at Windsor? How shall I be revenged on him? I
line 0665think the best way were to entertain him with hope
line 0666till the wicked fire of lust have melted him in his
line 0667own grease. Did you ever hear the like?
line 0668MISTRESS PAGELetter for letter, but that the name of
70line 0669Page and Ford differs! To thy great comfort in this
line 0670mystery of ill opinions, here’s the twin brother of
line 0671thy letter. She gives a paper to Mistress Ford, who reads it.
line 0672But let thine inherit first, for I protest
line 0673mine never shall. I warrant he hath a thousand of
75line 0674these letters writ with blank space for different
line 0675names—sure, more—and these are of the second
line 0676edition. He will print them, out of doubt; for he
line 0677cares not what he puts into the press, when he
line 0678would put us two. I had rather be a giantess and lie
80line 0679under Mount Pelion. Well, I will find you twenty
line 0680lascivious turtles ere one chaste man.
line 0681MISTRESS FORDWhy, this is the very same—the very
line 0682hand, the very words. What doth he think of us?
line 0683MISTRESS PAGENay, I know not. It makes me almost
85line 0684ready to wrangle with mine own honesty. I’ll entertain
line 0685myself like one that I am not acquainted
line 0686withal; for, sure, unless he know some strain in
line 0687me that I know not myself, he would never have
line 0688boarded me in this fury.
90line 0689MISTRESS FORD“Boarding” call you it? I’ll be sure to
line 0690keep him above deck.
line 0691MISTRESS PAGESo will I. If he come under my hatches,
line 0692I’ll never to sea again. Let’s be revenged on him.
line 0693Let’s appoint him a meeting, give him a show of
Act 2 Scene 1 - Pg 53 95line 0694comfort in his suit, and lead him on with a fine-baited
line 0695delay till he hath pawned his horses to mine
line 0696Host of the Garter.
line 0697MISTRESS FORDNay, I will consent to act any villainy
line 0698against him that may not sully the chariness of our
100line 0699honesty. O, that my husband saw this letter! It
line 0700would give eternal food to his jealousy.
line 0701MISTRESS PAGEWhy, look where he comes, and my
line 0702good man too. He’s as far from jealousy as I am
line 0703from giving him cause, and that, I hope, is an
105line 0704unmeasurable distance.
line 0705MISTRESS FORDYou are the happier woman.
line 0706MISTRESS PAGELet’s consult together against this greasy
line 0707knight. Come hither.They talk aside.

Enter Ford with Pistol, and Page with Nym.

line 0708FORDWell, I hope it be not so.
110line 0709Hope is a curtal dog in some affairs.
line 0710Sir John affects thy wife.
line 0711FORDWhy, sir, my wife is not young.
line 0712He woos both high and low, both rich and poor,
line 0713Both young and old, one with another, Ford.
115line 0714He loves the gallimaufry. Ford, perpend.
line 0715FORDLove my wife?
line 0716With liver burning hot. Prevent,
line 0717Or go thou like Sir Acteon, he,
line 0718With Ringwood at thy heels.
120line 0719O, odious is the name!
line 0720FORDWhat name, sir?
line 0721PISTOLThe horn, I say. Farewell.
line 0722Take heed, have open eye, for thieves do foot by
line 0723night.
125line 0724Take heed, ere summer comes or cuckoo birds do
line 0725sing.—
Act 2 Scene 1 - Pg 55 line 0726Away, Sir Corporal Nym.—Believe it, Page. He
line 0727speaks sense.He exits.
line 0728FORDaside I will be patient. I will find out this.
130line 0729NYMto Page And this is true. I like not the humor of
line 0730lying. He hath wronged me in some humors. I
line 0731should have borne the humored letter to her; but I
line 0732have a sword, and it shall bite upon my necessity.
line 0733He loves your wife; there’s the short and the long.
135line 0734My name is Corporal Nym. I speak and I avouch.
line 0735’Tis true. My name is Nym, and Falstaff loves your
line 0736wife. Adieu. I love not the humor of bread and
line 0737cheese. Adieu.He exits.
line 0738PAGEaside “The humor of it,” quoth he? Here’s a fellow
140line 0739frights English out of his wits.
line 0740FORDaside I will seek out Falstaff.
line 0741PAGEaside I never heard such a drawling, affecting
line 0742rogue.
line 0743FORDaside If I do find it—well.
145line 0744PAGEaside I will not believe such a Cataian, though
line 0745the priest o’ th’ town commended him for a true
line 0746man.
line 0747FORDaside ’Twas a good sensible fellow—well.

Mistress Page and Mistress Ford come forward.

line 0748PAGEto Mistress Page How now, Meg?
150line 0749MISTRESS PAGEWhither go you, George? Hark you.

They talk aside.

line 0750MISTRESS FORDto Ford How now, sweet Frank? Why
line 0751art thou melancholy?
line 0752FORDI melancholy? I am not melancholy. Get you
line 0753home. Go.
155line 0754MISTRESS FORDFaith, thou hast some crochets in thy
line 0755head now.—Will you go, Mistress Page?
line 0756MISTRESS PAGEHave with you.—You’ll come to dinner,
line 0757George? Aside to Mistress Ford. Look who
line 0758comes yonder.
Act 2 Scene 1 - Pg 57

Enter Mistress Quickly.

160line 0759She shall be our messenger to this paltry knight.
line 0760MISTRESS FORDTrust me, I thought on her. She’ll fit it.
line 0761MISTRESS PAGEto Mistress Quickly You are come to
line 0762see my daughter Anne?
line 0763MISTRESS QUICKLYAy, forsooth. And, I pray, how does
165line 0764good Mistress Anne?
line 0765MISTRESS PAGEGo in with us and see. We have an
line 0766hour’s talk with you.

Mistress Page, Mistress Ford, and Mistress Quickly exit.

line 0767PAGEHow now, Master Ford?
line 0768FORDYou heard what this knave told me, did you not?
170line 0769PAGEYes, and you heard what the other told me?
line 0770FORDDo you think there is truth in them?
line 0771PAGEHang ’em, slaves! I do not think the knight
line 0772would offer it. But these that accuse him in his intent
line 0773towards our wives are a yoke of his discarded
175line 0774men, very rogues, now they be out of service.
line 0775FORDWere they his men?
line 0776PAGEMarry, were they.
line 0777FORDI like it never the better for that. Does he lie at
line 0778the Garter?
180line 0779PAGEAy, marry, does he. If he should intend this voyage
line 0780toward my wife, I would turn her loose to him;
line 0781and what he gets more of her than sharp words, let
line 0782it lie on my head.
line 0783FORDI do not misdoubt my wife, but I would be loath
185line 0784to turn them together. A man may be too confident.
line 0785I would have nothing lie on my head. I cannot
line 0786be thus satisfied.

Enter Host.

line 0787PAGELook where my ranting Host of the Garter
line 0788comes. There is either liquor in his pate or money
190line 0789in his purse when he looks so merrily.—How now,
line 0790mine Host?
Act 2 Scene 1 - Pg 59 line 0791HOSTHow now, bullyrook? Thou ’rt a gentleman.—
line 0792Cavaleiro Justice, I say!

Enter Shallow.

line 0793SHALLOWI follow, mine Host, I follow.—Good even
195line 0794and twenty, good Master Page. Master Page, will
line 0795you go with us? We have sport in hand.
line 0796HOSTTell him, Cavaleiro Justice; tell him, bullyrook.
line 0797SHALLOWSir, there is a fray to be fought between
line 0798Sir Hugh the Welsh priest and Caius the French
200line 0799doctor.
line 0800FORDGood mine Host o’ th’ Garter, a word with you.
line 0801HOSTWhat say’st thou, my bullyrook?

The Host and Ford talk aside.

line 0802SHALLOWto Page Will you go with us to behold it?
line 0803My merry Host hath had the measuring of their
205line 0804weapons and, I think, hath appointed them contrary
line 0805places; for, believe me, I hear the parson is no
line 0806jester. Hark, I will tell you what our sport shall be.

Shallow and Page talk aside.

line 0807HOSTto Ford Hast thou no suit against my knight,
line 0808my guest cavalier?
210line 0809FORDNone, I protest. But I’ll give you a pottle of
line 0810burnt sack to give me recourse to him, and tell him
line 0811my name is Brook—only for a jest.
line 0812HOSTMy hand, bully. Thou shalt have egress and
line 0813regress—said I well?—and thy name shall be
215line 0814Brook. It is a merry knight.
line 0815 To Shallow and Page. Will you go, ameers?
line 0816SHALLOWHave with you, mine Host.
line 0817PAGEI have heard the Frenchman hath good skill
line 0818in his rapier.
220line 0819SHALLOWTut, sir, I could have told you more. In these
line 0820times you stand on distance—your passes, stoccados,
line 0821and I know not what. ’Tis the heart, Master
line 0822Page; ’tis here, ’tis here. I have seen the time, with
line 0823my long sword I would have made you four tall
225line 0824fellows skip like rats.
Act 2 Scene 2 - Pg 61 line 0825HOSTHere, boys, here, here! Shall we wag?
line 0826PAGEHave with you. I had rather hear them scold
line 0827than fight.Page, Host, and Shallow exit.
line 0828FORDThough Page be a secure fool and stands so
230line 0829firmly on his wife’s frailty, yet I cannot put off my
line 0830opinion so easily. She was in his company at Page’s
line 0831house, and what they made there I know not. Well,
line 0832I will look further into ’t, and I have a disguise to
line 0833sound Falstaff. If I find her honest, I lose not my
235line 0834labor. If she be otherwise, ’tis labor well bestowed.

He exits.

Scene 2

Enter Sir John Falstaff and Pistol.

line 0835FALSTAFFI will not lend thee a penny.
line 0836PISTOLWhy then, the world’s mine oyster, which I
line 0837with sword will open.
line 0838FALSTAFFNot a penny. I have been content, sir, you
5line 0839should lay my countenance to pawn. I have grated
line 0840upon my good friends for three reprieves for you
line 0841and your coach-fellow Nym, or else you had
line 0842looked through the grate like a gemini of baboons.
line 0843I am damned in hell for swearing to gentlemen my
10line 0844friends you were good soldiers and tall fellows.
line 0845And when Mistress Bridget lost the handle of her
line 0846fan, I took ’t upon mine honor thou hadst it not.
line 0847PISTOLDidst not thou share? Hadst thou not fifteen
line 0848pence?
15line 0849FALSTAFFReason, you rogue, reason. Think’st thou I’ll
line 0850endanger my soul gratis? At a word, hang no more
line 0851about me. I am no gibbet for you. Go—a short
line 0852knife and a throng—to your manor of Pickt-hatch,
line 0853go. You’ll not bear a letter for me, you rogue? You
20line 0854stand upon your honor? Why, thou unconfinable
Act 2 Scene 2 - Pg 63 line 0855baseness, it is as much as I can do to keep the
line 0856terms of my honor precise. Ay, ay, I myself sometimes,
line 0857leaving the fear of God on the left hand
line 0858and hiding mine honor in my necessity, am fain to
25line 0859shuffle, to hedge, and to lurch; and yet you, rogue,
line 0860will ensconce your rags, your cat-a-mountain
line 0861looks, your red-lattice phrases, and your bold beating
line 0862oaths under the shelter of your honor! You will
line 0863not do it? You?
30line 0864PISTOLI do relent. What would thou more of man?

Enter Robin.

line 0865ROBINSir, here’s a woman would speak with you.
line 0866FALSTAFFLet her approach.

Enter Mistress Quickly.

line 0867MISTRESS QUICKLYGive your Worship good morrow.
line 0868FALSTAFFGood morrow, goodwife.
35line 0869MISTRESS QUICKLYNot so, an ’t please your Worship.
line 0870FALSTAFFGood maid, then.
line 0871MISTRESS QUICKLYI’ll be sworn—as my mother was,
line 0872the first hour I was born.
line 0873FALSTAFFI do believe the swearer. What with me?
40line 0874MISTRESS QUICKLYShall I vouchsafe your Worship a
line 0875word or two?
line 0876FALSTAFFTwo thousand, fair woman, and I’ll vouchsafe
line 0877thee the hearing.
line 0878MISTRESS QUICKLYThere is one Mistress Ford, sir—I
45line 0879pray, come a little nearer this ways. I myself dwell
line 0880with Master Doctor Caius.
line 0881FALSTAFFWell, on. “Mistress Ford,” you say—
line 0882MISTRESS QUICKLYYour Worship says very true. I pray
line 0883your Worship, come a little nearer this ways.
50line 0884FALSTAFFI warrant thee, nobody hears. Mine own
line 0885people, mine own people.
line 0886MISTRESS QUICKLYAre they so? God bless them and
line 0887make them His servants!
Act 2 Scene 2 - Pg 65 line 0888FALSTAFFWell, “Mistress Ford”—what of her?
55line 0889MISTRESS QUICKLYWhy, sir, she’s a good creature.
line 0890Lord, Lord, your Worship’s a wanton! Well, heaven
line 0891forgive you and all of us, I pray!
line 0892FALSTAFF“Mistress Ford”—come, “Mistress Ford”—
line 0893MISTRESS QUICKLYMarry, this is the short and the long
60line 0894of it: you have brought her into such a canaries as
line 0895’tis wonderful. The best courtier of them all, when
line 0896the court lay at Windsor, could never have brought
line 0897her to such a canary. Yet there has been knights,
line 0898and lords, and gentlemen, with their coaches, I
65line 0899warrant you, coach after coach, letter after letter,
line 0900gift after gift, smelling so sweetly—all musk—and
line 0901so rushling, I warrant you, in silk and gold, and in
line 0902such alligant terms, and in such wine and sugar of
line 0903the best and the fairest, that would have won any
70line 0904woman’s heart; and, I warrant you, they could
line 0905never get an eye-wink of her. I had myself twenty
line 0906angels given me this morning, but I defy all angels
line 0907in any such sort, as they say, but in the way of
line 0908honesty. And, I warrant you, they could never get
75line 0909her so much as sip on a cup with the proudest of
line 0910them all. And yet there has been earls—nay, which
line 0911is more, pensioners—but, I warrant you, all is one
line 0912with her.
line 0913FALSTAFFBut what says she to me? Be brief, my good
80line 0914she-Mercury.
line 0915MISTRESS QUICKLYMarry, she hath received your letter,
line 0916for the which she thanks you a thousand times,
line 0917and she gives you to notify that her husband will
line 0918be absence from his house between ten and eleven.
85line 0919FALSTAFFTen and eleven?
line 0920MISTRESS QUICKLYAy, forsooth; and then you may come
line 0921and see the picture, she says, that you wot of. Master
line 0922Ford, her husband, will be from home. Alas, the
line 0923sweet woman leads an ill life with him. He’s a very
Act 2 Scene 2 - Pg 67 90line 0924jealousy man. She leads a very frampold life with
line 0925him, good heart.
line 0926FALSTAFFTen and eleven. Woman, commend me to
line 0927her. I will not fail her.
line 0928MISTRESS QUICKLYWhy, you say well. But I have another
95line 0929messenger to your Worship. Mistress Page
line 0930hath her hearty commendations to you too; and,
line 0931let me tell you in your ear, she’s as fartuous a civil
line 0932modest wife, and one, I tell you, that will not miss
line 0933you morning nor evening prayer, as any is in Windsor,
100line 0934whoe’er be the other. And she bade me tell
line 0935your Worship that her husband is seldom from
line 0936home, but she hopes there will come a time. I
line 0937never knew a woman so dote upon a man. Surely, I
line 0938think you have charms, la! Yes, in truth.
105line 0939FALSTAFFNot I, I assure thee. Setting the attraction of
line 0940my good parts aside, I have no other charms.
line 0941MISTRESS QUICKLYBlessing on your heart for ’t!
line 0942FALSTAFFBut I pray thee, tell me this: has Ford’s wife
line 0943and Page’s wife acquainted each other how they
110line 0944love me?
line 0945MISTRESS QUICKLYThat were a jest indeed! They have
line 0946not so little grace, I hope. That were a trick indeed!
line 0947But Mistress Page would desire you to send her
line 0948your little page, of all loves. Her husband has a
115line 0949marvelous infection to the little page; and, truly,
line 0950Master Page is an honest man. Never a wife in
line 0951Windsor leads a better life than she does. Do what
line 0952she will, say what she will, take all, pay all, go to
line 0953bed when she list, rise when she list—all is as she
120line 0954will. And, truly, she deserves it, for if there be a
line 0955kind woman in Windsor, she is one. You must send
line 0956her your page, no remedy.
line 0957FALSTAFFWhy, I will.
line 0958MISTRESS QUICKLYNay, but do so then, and, look you,
125line 0959he may come and go between you both. And in any
Act 2 Scene 2 - Pg 69 line 0960case have a nayword, that you may know one another’s
line 0961mind, and the boy never need to understand
line 0962anything; for ’tis not good that children
line 0963should know any wickedness. Old folks, you know,
130line 0964have discretion, as they say, and know the world.
line 0965FALSTAFFFare thee well. Commend me to them both.
line 0966There’s my purse. He gives her money. I am yet
line 0967thy debtor.—Boy, go along with this woman.
line 0968Mistress Quickly and Robin exit. This news distracts
135line 0969me.
line 0970This punk is one of Cupid’s carriers.
line 0971Clap on more sails, pursue; up with your fights;
line 0972Give fire! She is my prize, or ocean whelm them all!

He exits.

line 0973FALSTAFFSayst thou so, old Jack? Go thy ways. I’ll
140line 0974make more of thy old body than I have done. Will
line 0975they yet look after thee? Wilt thou, after the expense
line 0976of so much money, be now a gainer? Good
line 0977body, I thank thee. Let them say ’tis grossly done;
line 0978so it be fairly done, no matter.

Enter Bardolph with wine.

145line 0979BARDOLPHSir John, there’s one Master Brook below
line 0980would fain speak with you and be acquainted with
line 0981you, and hath sent your Worship a morning’s
line 0982draught of sack.He hands Falstaff the wine.
line 0983FALSTAFFBrook is his name?
150line 0984BARDOLPHAy, sir.
line 0985FALSTAFFCall him in. Such Brooks are welcome to
line 0986me that o’erflows such liquor.Bardolph exits.
line 0987Ah ha, Mistress Ford and Mistress Page, have I encompassed
line 0988you? Go to. Via!

Enter Bardolph with Ford disguised as Brook.

155line 0989FORDas Brook God bless you, sir.
line 0990FALSTAFFAnd you, sir. Would you speak with me?
Act 2 Scene 2 - Pg 71 line 0991FORDas Brook I make bold to press with so little
line 0992preparation upon you.
line 0993FALSTAFFYou’re welcome. What’s your will?—Give us
160line 0994leave, drawer.Bardolph exits.
line 0995FORDas Brook Sir, I am a gentleman that have spent
line 0996much. My name is Brook.
line 0997FALSTAFFGood Master Brook, I desire more acquaintance
line 0998of you.
165line 0999FORDas Brook Good Sir John, I sue for yours—not
line 1000to charge you, for I must let you understand I
line 1001think myself in better plight for a lender than you
line 1002are, the which hath something emboldened me to
line 1003this unseasoned intrusion; for they say, if money
170line 1004go before, all ways do lie open.
line 1005FALSTAFFMoney is a good soldier, sir, and will on.
line 1006FORDas Brook Troth, and I have a bag of money
line 1007here troubles me. He sets it down. If you will help
line 1008to bear it, Sir John, take all, or half, for easing me
175line 1009of the carriage.
line 1010FALSTAFFSir, I know not how I may deserve to be your
line 1011porter.
line 1012FORDas Brook I will tell you, sir, if you will give me
line 1013the hearing.
180line 1014FALSTAFFSpeak, good Master Brook. I shall be glad
line 1015to be your servant.
line 1016FORDas Brook Sir, I hear you are a scholar—I will
line 1017be brief with you—and you have been a man long
line 1018known to me, though I had never so good means
185line 1019as desire to make myself acquainted with you. I
line 1020shall discover a thing to you wherein I must very
line 1021much lay open mine own imperfection. But, good
line 1022Sir John, as you have one eye upon my follies, as
line 1023you hear them unfolded, turn another into the register
190line 1024of your own, that I may pass with a reproof
line 1025the easier, sith you yourself know how easy it is to
line 1026be such an offender.
Act 2 Scene 2 - Pg 73 line 1027FALSTAFFVery well, sir. Proceed.
line 1028FORDas Brook There is a gentlewoman in this
195line 1029town—her husband’s name is Ford.
line 1030FALSTAFFWell, sir.
line 1031FORDas Brook I have long loved her and, I protest
line 1032to you, bestowed much on her, followed her with
line 1033a doting observance, engrossed opportunities to
200line 1034meet her, fee’d every slight occasion that could but
line 1035niggardly give me sight of her, not only bought
line 1036many presents to give her, but have given largely to
line 1037many to know what she would have given. Briefly,
line 1038I have pursued her as love hath pursued me, which
205line 1039hath been on the wing of all occasions. But whatsoever
line 1040I have merited, either in my mind or in my
line 1041means, meed I am sure I have received none, unless
line 1042experience be a jewel. That I have purchased
line 1043at an infinite rate, and that hath taught me to say
210line 1044this:
line 1045“Love like a shadow flies when substance love
line 1046pursues,
line 1047Pursuing that that flies, and flying what pursues.”
line 1048FALSTAFFHave you received no promise of satisfaction
215line 1049at her hands?
line 1050FORDas Brook Never.
line 1051FALSTAFFHave you importuned her to such a
line 1052purpose?
line 1053FORDas Brook Never.
220line 1054FALSTAFFOf what quality was your love, then?
line 1055FORDas Brook Like a fair house built on another
line 1056man’s ground, so that I have lost my edifice by
line 1057mistaking the place where I erected it.
line 1058FALSTAFFTo what purpose have you unfolded this to
225line 1059me?
line 1060FORDas Brook When I have told you that, I have
line 1061told you all. Some say that though she appear honest
line 1062to me, yet in other places she enlargeth her
line 1063mirth so far that there is shrewd construction
Act 2 Scene 2 - Pg 75 230line 1064made of her. Now, Sir John, here is the heart of my
line 1065purpose: you are a gentleman of excellent breeding,
line 1066admirable discourse, of great admittance,
line 1067authentic in your place and person, generally
line 1068allowed for your many warlike, courtlike, and
235line 1069learned preparations.
line 1070FALSTAFFO, sir!
line 1071FORDas Brook Believe it, for you know it. There is
line 1072money. He points to the bag. Spend it, spend
line 1073it, spend more; spend all I have. Only give me so
240line 1074much of your time in exchange of it as to lay an
line 1075amiable siege to the honesty of this Ford’s wife.
line 1076Use your art of wooing; win her to consent to you.
line 1077If any man may, you may as soon as any.
line 1078FALSTAFFWould it apply well to the vehemency of
245line 1079your affection that I should win what you would
line 1080enjoy? Methinks you prescribe to yourself very
line 1081preposterously.
line 1082FORDas Brook O, understand my drift. She dwells
line 1083so securely on the excellency of her honor that the
250line 1084folly of my soul dares not present itself; she is too
line 1085bright to be looked against. Now, could I come to
line 1086her with any detection in my hand, my desires had
line 1087instance and argument to commend themselves. I
line 1088could drive her then from the ward of her purity,
255line 1089her reputation, her marriage vow, and a thousand
line 1090other her defenses, which now are too too strongly
line 1091embattled against me. What say you to ’t, Sir
line 1092John?
line 1093FALSTAFFtaking the bag Master Brook, I will first
260line 1094make bold with your money; next, give me your
line 1095hand; and, last, as I am a gentleman, you shall, if
line 1096you will, enjoy Ford’s wife.
line 1097FORDas Brook O, good sir!
line 1098FALSTAFFI say you shall.
265line 1099FORDas Brook Want no money, Sir John; you shall
line 1100want none.
Act 2 Scene 2 - Pg 77 line 1101FALSTAFFWant no Mistress Ford, Master Brook; you
line 1102shall want none. I shall be with her, I may tell you,
line 1103by her own appointment. Even as you came in to
270line 1104me, her assistant or go-between parted from me. I
line 1105say I shall be with her between ten and eleven, for
line 1106at that time the jealous, rascally knave her husband
line 1107will be forth. Come you to me at night. You
line 1108shall know how I speed.
275line 1109FORDas Brook I am blessed in your acquaintance.
line 1110Do you know Ford, sir?
line 1111FALSTAFFHang him, poor cuckoldly knave! I know
line 1112him not. Yet I wrong him to call him poor. They
line 1113say the jealous wittolly knave hath masses of
280line 1114money, for the which his wife seems to me well-favored.
line 1115I will use her as the key of the cuckoldly
line 1116rogue’s coffer, and there’s my harvest home.
line 1117FORDas Brook I would you knew Ford, sir, that you
line 1118might avoid him if you saw him.
285line 1119FALSTAFFHang him, mechanical salt-butter rogue! I
line 1120will stare him out of his wits. I will awe him with
line 1121my cudgel; it shall hang like a meteor o’er the
line 1122cuckold’s horns. Master Brook, thou shalt know I
line 1123will predominate over the peasant, and thou shalt
290line 1124lie with his wife. Come to me soon at night. Ford’s
line 1125a knave, and I will aggravate his style. Thou, Master
line 1126Brook, shalt know him for knave and cuckold.
line 1127Come to me soon at night.Falstaff exits.
line 1128FORDWhat a damned epicurean rascal is this! My
295line 1129heart is ready to crack with impatience. Who says
line 1130this is improvident jealousy? My wife hath sent
line 1131to him, the hour is fixed, the match is made.
line 1132Would any man have thought this? See the hell of
line 1133having a false woman: my bed shall be abused, my
300line 1134coffers ransacked, my reputation gnawn at. And
line 1135I shall not only receive this villainous wrong but
line 1136stand under the adoption of abominable terms,
Act 2 Scene 3 - Pg 79 line 1137and by him that does me this wrong. Terms,
line 1138names! “Amaimon” sounds well, “Lucifer” well,
305line 1139“Barbason” well; yet they are devils’ additions, the
line 1140names of fiends. But “Cuckold,” “Wittoll,” “Cuckold”!
line 1141The devil himself hath not such a name. Page
line 1142is an ass, a secure ass. He will trust his wife, he will
line 1143not be jealous. I will rather trust a Fleming with
310line 1144my butter, Parson Hugh the Welshman with my
line 1145cheese, an Irishman with my aquavitae bottle, or
line 1146a thief to walk my ambling gelding, than my wife
line 1147with herself. Then she plots, then she ruminates,
line 1148then she devises; and what they think in their
315line 1149hearts they may effect, they will break their hearts
line 1150but they will effect. God be praised for my jealousy!
line 1151Eleven o’clock the hour. I will prevent this,
line 1152detect my wife, be revenged on Falstaff, and laugh
line 1153at Page. I will about it. Better three hours too soon
320line 1154than a minute too late. Fie, fie, fie! Cuckold, cuckold,
line 1155cuckold!

He exits.

Scene 3

Enter Doctor Caius and Rugby.

line 1156DOCTOR CAIUSJack Rugby.
line 1157RUGBYSir?
line 1158DOCTOR CAIUSVat is the clock, Jack?
line 1159RUGBY’Tis past the hour, sir, that Sir Hugh promised
5line 1160to meet.
line 1161DOCTOR CAIUSBy gar, he has save his soul dat he is no
line 1162come. He has pray his Pible well dat he is no come.
line 1163By gar, Jack Rugby, he is dead already if he be
line 1164come.
10line 1165RUGBYHe is wise, sir. He knew your Worship would
line 1166kill him if he came.
Act 2 Scene 3 - Pg 81 line 1167DOCTOR CAIUSBy gar, de herring is no dead so as I vill
line 1168kill him. Take your rapier, Jack. I vill tell you how I
line 1169vill kill him.
15line 1170RUGBYAlas, sir, I cannot fence.
line 1171DOCTOR CAIUSVillainy, take your rapier.
line 1172RUGBYForbear. Here’s company.

Enter Page, Shallow, Slender, and Host.

line 1173HOSTGod bless thee, bully doctor!
line 1174SHALLOWGod save you, Master Doctor Caius!
20line 1175PAGENow, good Master Doctor!
line 1176SLENDERGive you good morrow, sir.
line 1177DOCTOR CAIUSVat be all you, one, two, tree, four, come
line 1178for?
line 1179HOSTTo see thee fight, to see thee foin, to see thee traverse;
25line 1180to see thee here, to see thee there; to see
line 1181thy pass, thy puncto, thy stock, thy reverse, thy
line 1182distance, thy montant. Is he dead, my Ethiopian?
line 1183Is he dead, my Francisco? Ha, bully? What says
line 1184my Aesculapius, my Galien, my heart of elder, ha?
30line 1185Is he dead, bully stale? Is he dead?
line 1186DOCTOR CAIUSBy gar, he is de coward jack-priest of de
line 1187vorld. He is not show his face.
line 1188HOSTThou art a Castalion King Urinal Hector of
line 1189Greece, my boy!
35line 1190DOCTOR CAIUSI pray you, bear witness that me have
line 1191stay six or seven, two, tree hours for him, and he is
line 1192no come.
line 1193SHALLOWHe is the wiser man, Master Doctor. He is a
line 1194curer of souls, and you a curer of bodies. If you
40line 1195should fight, you go against the hair of your professions.—
line 1196Is it not true, Master Page?
line 1197PAGEMaster Shallow, you have yourself been a great
line 1198fighter, though now a man of peace.
line 1199SHALLOWBodykins, Master Page, though I now be old
45line 1200and of the peace, if I see a sword out, my finger
Act 2 Scene 3 - Pg 83 line 1201itches to make one. Though we are justices and
line 1202doctors and churchmen, Master Page, we have
line 1203some salt of our youth in us. We are the sons of
line 1204women, Master Page.
50line 1205PAGE’Tis true, Master Shallow.
line 1206SHALLOWIt will be found so, Master Page.—Master
line 1207Doctor Caius, I am come to fetch you home. I am
line 1208sworn of the peace. You have showed yourself a
line 1209wise physician, and Sir Hugh hath shown himself
55line 1210a wise and patient churchman. You must go with
line 1211me, Master Doctor.
line 1212HOSTPardon, guest Justice. To Caius. A word,
line 1213Monsieur Mockwater.
line 1214DOCTOR CAIUS“Mockvater”? Vat is dat?
60line 1215HOST“Mockwater,” in our English tongue, is “valor,”
line 1216bully.
line 1217DOCTOR CAIUSBy gar, then I have as much mockvater
line 1218as de Englishman. Scurvy jack-dog priest! By gar,
line 1219me vill cut his ears.
65line 1220HOSTHe will clapper-claw thee tightly, bully.
line 1221DOCTOR CAIUS“Clapper-de-claw”? Vat is dat?
line 1222HOSTThat is, he will make thee amends.
line 1223DOCTOR CAIUSBy gar, me do look he shall clapper-de-claw
line 1224me, for, by gar, me vill have it.
70line 1225HOSTAnd I will provoke him to ’t, or let him wag.
line 1226DOCTOR CAIUSMe tank you for dat.
line 1227HOSTAnd moreover, bully—He draws Shallow, Page, and Slender aside.
line 1228But first, Master guest, and
line 1229Master Page, and eke Cavaleiro Slender, go you
75line 1230through the town to Frogmore.
line 1231PAGESir Hugh is there, is he?
line 1232HOSTHe is there. See what humor he is in; and I will
line 1233bring the doctor about by the fields. Will it do
line 1234well?
80line 1235SHALLOWWe will do it.
line 1236PAGE, SHALLOW, and SLENDERAdieu, good Master
line 1237Doctor.Page, Shallow, and Slender exit.
Act 2 Scene 3 - Pg 85 line 1238DOCTOR CAIUSBy gar, me vill kill de priest, for he speak
line 1239for a jackanape to Anne Page.
85line 1240HOSTLet him die. Sheathe thy impatience; throw cold
line 1241water on thy choler. Go about the fields with me
line 1242through Frogmore. I will bring thee where Mistress
line 1243Anne Page is, at a farmhouse a-feasting, and
line 1244thou shalt woo her. Cried game! Said I well?
90line 1245DOCTOR CAIUSBy gar, me dank you vor dat. By gar, I
line 1246love you, and I shall procure-a you de good guest:
line 1247de earl, de knight, de lords, de gentlemen, my
line 1248patients.
line 1249HOSTFor the which I will be thy adversary toward
95line 1250Anne Page. Said I well?
line 1251DOCTOR CAIUSBy gar, ’tis good. Vell said.
line 1252HOSTLet us wag, then.
line 1253DOCTOR CAIUSCome at my heels, Jack Rugby.

They exit.


Scene 1

Enter Sir Hugh Evans (with a book and a sword) and Simple (carrying Sir Hugh’s gown).

line 1254SIR HUGHI pray you now, good Master Slender’s servingman
line 1255and friend Simple by your name, which
line 1256way have you looked for Master Caius, that calls
line 1257himself doctor of physic?
5line 1258SIMPLEMarry, sir, the Petty-ward, the Park-ward,
line 1259every way; Old Windsor way, and every way but
line 1260the town way.
line 1261SIR HUGHI most fehemently desire you, you will also
line 1262look that way.
10line 1263SIMPLEI will, sir.He exits.
line 1264SIR HUGHPless my soul, how full of cholers I am, and
line 1265trempling of mind! I shall be glad if he have deceived
line 1266me. How melancholies I am! I will knog his
line 1267urinals about his knave’s costard when I have good
15line 1268opportunities for the ’ork. Pless my soul!
line 1269To shallow rivers, to whose falls
line 1270Melodious birds sings madrigals.
line 1271There will we make our peds of roses
line 1272And a thousand fragrant posies.
20line 1273To shallow—
line 1274Mercy on me, I have a great dispositions to cry.
Act 3 Scene 1 - Pg 91 Sings.
line 1275Melodious birds sing madrigals—
line 1276Whenas I sat in Pabylon—
line 1277And a thousand vagram posies.
25line 1278To shallow rivers, to whose falls
line 1279Melodious birds sings madrigals.

Enter Simple.

line 1280SIMPLEYonder he is, coming this way, Sir Hugh.
line 1281SIR HUGHHe’s welcome.
line 1282To shallow rivers, to whose falls—
30line 1283Heaven prosper the right! What weapons is he?
line 1284SIMPLENo weapons, sir. There comes my master,
line 1285Master Shallow, and another gentleman, from
line 1286Frogmore, over the stile, this way.
line 1287SIR HUGHPray you, give me my gown—or else keep it
35line 1288in your arms.

Enter Page, Shallow, and Slender.

line 1289SHALLOWHow now, Master Parson? Good morrow,
line 1290good Sir Hugh. Keep a gamester from the dice,
line 1291and a good student from his book, and it is
line 1292wonderful.
40line 1293SLENDERaside Ah, sweet Anne Page!
line 1294PAGEGod save you, good Sir Hugh!
line 1295SIR HUGHGod pless you from His mercy sake, all of
line 1296you!
line 1297SHALLOWWhat, the sword and the word? Do you
45line 1298study them both, Master Parson?
line 1299PAGEAnd youthful still—in your doublet and hose
line 1300this raw rheumatic day?
line 1301SIR HUGHThere is reasons and causes for it.
line 1302PAGEWe are come to you to do a good office, Master
50line 1303Parson.
line 1304SIR HUGHFery well. What is it?
Act 3 Scene 1 - Pg 93 line 1305PAGEYonder is a most reverend gentleman who, belike
line 1306having received wrong by some person, is at
line 1307most odds with his own gravity and patience that
55line 1308ever you saw.
line 1309SHALLOWI have lived fourscore years and upward. I
line 1310never heard a man of his place, gravity, and learning
line 1311so wide of his own respect.
line 1312SIR HUGHWhat is he?
60line 1313PAGEI think you know him: Master Doctor Caius, the
line 1314renowned French physician.
line 1315SIR HUGHGot’s will and His passion of my heart! I had
line 1316as lief you would tell me of a mess of porridge.
line 1317PAGEWhy?
65line 1318SIR HUGHHe has no more knowledge in Hibbocrates
line 1319and Galen—and he is a knave besides, a cowardly
line 1320knave as you would desires to be acquainted
line 1321withal.
line 1322PAGEto Shallow I warrant you, he’s the man should
70line 1323fight with him.
line 1324SLENDERaside O, sweet Anne Page!
line 1325SHALLOWIt appears so by his weapons. Keep them
line 1326asunder. Here comes Doctor Caius.

Enter Host, Doctor Caius, and Rugby. Caius and Sir Hugh offer to fight.

line 1327PAGENay, good Master Parson, keep in your weapon.
75line 1328SHALLOWSo do you, good Master Doctor.
line 1329HOSTDisarm them, and let them question. Let them
line 1330keep their limbs whole and hack our English.

Page and Shallow disarm Caius and Sir Hugh.

line 1331DOCTOR CAIUSto Sir Hugh I pray you, let-a me speak
line 1332a word with your ear. Verefore vill you not
80line 1333meet-a me?
line 1334SIR HUGHaside to Caius Pray you, use your patience.
line 1335Aloud. In good time.
line 1336DOCTOR CAIUSBy gar, you are de coward, de Jack dog,
line 1337John ape.
Act 3 Scene 1 - Pg 95 85line 1338SIR HUGHaside to Caius Pray you, let us not be
line 1339laughing-stocks to other men’s humors. I desire
line 1340you in friendship, and I will one way or other
line 1341make you amends. Aloud. By Jeshu, I will knog
line 1342your urinal about your knave’s cogscomb.
90line 1343DOCTOR CAIUSDiable! Jack Rugby, mine Host de Jarteer,
line 1344have I not stay for him to kill him? Have I not,
line 1345at de place I did appoint?
line 1346SIR HUGHAs I am a Christians soul, now look you, this
line 1347is the place appointed. I’ll be judgment by mine
95line 1348Host of the Garter.
line 1349HOSTPeace, I say, Gallia and Gaul, French and Welsh,
line 1350soul-curer and body-curer!
line 1351DOCTOR CAIUSAy, dat is very good, excellent.
line 1352HOSTPeace, I say! Hear mine Host of the Garter. Am
100line 1353I politic? Am I subtle? Am I a Machiavel? Shall I
line 1354lose my doctor? No, he gives me the potions and
line 1355the motions. Shall I lose my parson, my priest, my
line 1356Sir Hugh? No, he gives me the proverbs and the
line 1357no-verbs. To Caius. Give me thy hand, terrestrial;
105line 1358so. To Sir Hugh. Give me thy hand, celestial;
line 1359so. Boys of art, I have deceived you both. I
line 1360have directed you to wrong places. Your hearts are
line 1361mighty, your skins are whole, and let burnt sack be
line 1362the issue. To Page and Shallow. Come, lay their
110line 1363swords to pawn. To Caius and Sir Hugh. Follow
line 1364me, lads of peace, follow, follow, follow.

Host exits.

line 1365SHALLOWAfore God, a mad Host. Follow, gentlemen,
line 1366follow.
line 1367SLENDERaside O, sweet Anne Page!

Shallow, Page, and Slender exit.

115line 1368DOCTOR CAIUSHa, do I perceive dat? Have you make-a
line 1369de sot of us, ha, ha?
line 1370SIR HUGHThis is well! He has made us his vloutingstog.
line 1371I desire you that we may be friends, and let
Act 3 Scene 2 - Pg 97 line 1372us knog our prains together to be revenge on this
120line 1373same scall, scurvy, cogging companion, the Host of
line 1374the Garter.
line 1375DOCTOR CAIUSBy gar, with all my heart. He promise
line 1376to bring me where is Anne Page. By gar, he deceive
line 1377me too.
125line 1378SIR HUGHWell, I will smite his noddles. Pray you,
line 1379follow.

Sir Hugh, Caius, Simple, and Rugby exit.

Scene 2

Enter Robin followed by Mistress Page.

line 1380MISTRESS PAGENay, keep your way, little gallant. You
line 1381were wont to be a follower, but now you are a
line 1382leader. Whether had you rather—lead mine eyes,
line 1383or eye your master’s heels?
5line 1384ROBINI had rather, forsooth, go before you like a man
line 1385than follow him like a dwarf.
line 1386MISTRESS PAGEO, you are a flattering boy! Now I see
line 1387you’ll be a courtier.

Enter Ford.

line 1388FORDWell met, Mistress Page. Whither go you?
10line 1389MISTRESS PAGETruly, sir, to see your wife. Is she at
line 1390home?
line 1391FORDAy, and as idle as she may hang together, for
line 1392want of company. I think if your husbands were
line 1393dead, you two would marry.
15line 1394MISTRESS PAGEBe sure of that—two other husbands.
line 1395FORDWhere had you this pretty weathercock?
line 1396MISTRESS PAGEI cannot tell what the dickens his name
line 1397is my husband had him of.—What do you call your
line 1398knight’s name, sirrah?
20line 1399ROBINSir John Falstaff.
Act 3 Scene 2 - Pg 99 line 1400FORDSir John Falstaff!
line 1401MISTRESS PAGEHe, he. I can never hit on ’s name.
line 1402There is such a league between my goodman and
line 1403he. Is your wife at home indeed?
25line 1404FORDIndeed, she is.
line 1405MISTRESS PAGEBy your leave, sir. I am sick till I see
line 1406her.Mistress Page and Robin exit.
line 1407FORDHas Page any brains? Hath he any eyes? Hath
line 1408he any thinking? Sure they sleep; he hath no use
30line 1409of them. Why, this boy will carry a letter twenty
line 1410mile as easy as a cannon will shoot point-blank
line 1411twelve score. He pieces out his wife’s inclination.
line 1412He gives her folly motion and advantage. And now
line 1413she’s going to my wife, and Falstaff’s boy with her.
35line 1414A man may hear this shower sing in the wind. And
line 1415Falstaff’s boy with her! Good plots they are laid,
line 1416and our revolted wives share damnation together.
line 1417Well, I will take him, then torture my wife, pluck
line 1418the borrowed veil of modesty from the so-seeming
40line 1419Mistress Page, divulge Page himself for a secure
line 1420and willful Acteon, and to these violent proceedings
line 1421all my neighbors shall cry aim. A clock strikes.
line 1422The clock gives me my cue, and my assurance
line 1423bids me search. There I shall find Falstaff. I
45line 1424shall be rather praised for this than mocked, for it
line 1425is as positive as the earth is firm that Falstaff is
line 1426there. I will go.

Enter Page, Shallow, Slender, Host, Sir Hugh Evans, Doctor Caius, and Rugby.

line 1427SHALLOW, PAGE, ETC.Well met, Master Ford.
line 1428FORDTrust me, a good knot. I have good cheer at
50line 1429home, and I pray you all go with me.
line 1430SHALLOWI must excuse myself, Master Ford.
line 1431SLENDERAnd so must I, sir. We have appointed to dine
line 1432with Mistress Anne, and I would not break with
line 1433her for more money than I’ll speak of.
Act 3 Scene 2 - Pg 101 55line 1434SHALLOWWe have lingered about a match between
line 1435Anne Page and my cousin Slender, and this day we
line 1436shall have our answer.
line 1437SLENDERI hope I have your good will, Father Page.
line 1438PAGEYou have, Master Slender. I stand wholly for
60line 1439you.—But my wife, Master Doctor, is for you
line 1440altogether.
line 1441DOCTOR CAIUSAy, be-gar, and de maid is love-a me! My
line 1442nursh-a Quickly tell me so mush.
line 1443HOSTto Page What say you to young Master Fenton?
65line 1444He capers, he dances, he has eyes of youth, he
line 1445writes verses, he speaks holiday, he smells April
line 1446and May. He will carry ’t, he will carry ’t. ’Tis in his
line 1447buttons he will carry ’t.
line 1448PAGENot by my consent, I promise you. The gentleman
70line 1449is of no having. He kept company with the
line 1450wild Prince and Poins. He is of too high a region;
line 1451he knows too much. No, he shall not knit a knot in
line 1452his fortunes with the finger of my substance. If he
line 1453take her, let him take her simply. The wealth I have
75line 1454waits on my consent, and my consent goes not that
line 1455way.
line 1456FORDI beseech you heartily, some of you go home
line 1457with me to dinner. Besides your cheer, you shall
line 1458have sport: I will show you a monster. Master Doctor,
80line 1459you shall go.—So shall you, Master Page.—
line 1460And you, Sir Hugh.
line 1461SHALLOWWell, fare you well. We shall have the freer
line 1462wooing at Master Page’s.

Shallow and Slender exit.

line 1463DOCTOR CAIUSGo home, John Rugby. I come anon.

Rugby exits.

85line 1464HOSTFarewell, my hearts. I will to my honest knight
line 1465Falstaff, and drink canary with him.He exits.
line 1466FORDaside I think I shall drink in pipe-wine first
line 1467with him; I’ll make him dance.—Will you go,
line 1468gentles?
Act 3 Scene 3 - Pg 103 90line 1469PAGE, DOCTOR CAIUS, and SIR HUGHHave with you to
line 1470see this monster.

They exit.

Scene 3

Enter Mistress Ford and Mistress Page.

line 1471MISTRESS FORDWhat, John! What, Robert!
line 1472MISTRESS PAGEQuickly, quickly! Is the buck-basket—
line 1473MISTRESS FORDI warrant.—What, Robert, I say!

Enter John and Robert with a large buck-basket.

line 1474MISTRESS PAGECome, come, come.
5line 1475MISTRESS FORDHere, set it down.
line 1476MISTRESS PAGEGive your men the charge. We must be
line 1477brief.
line 1478MISTRESS FORDMarry, as I told you before, John and
line 1479Robert, be ready here hard by in the brewhouse,
10line 1480and when I suddenly call you, come forth, and
line 1481without any pause or staggering take this basket
line 1482on your shoulders. That done, trudge with it in all
line 1483haste, and carry it among the whitsters in Datchet
line 1484Mead, and there empty it in the muddy ditch close
15line 1485by the Thames side.
line 1486MISTRESS PAGEYou will do it?
line 1487MISTRESS FORDI ha’ told them over and over. They lack
line 1488no direction.—Be gone, and come when you are
line 1489called.John and Robert exit.
20line 1490MISTRESS PAGEHere comes little Robin.

Enter Robin.

line 1491MISTRESS FORDHow now, my eyas-musket? What news
line 1492with you?
line 1493ROBINMy master, Sir John, is come in at your back
line 1494door, Mistress Ford, and requests your company.
Act 3 Scene 3 - Pg 105 25line 1495MISTRESS PAGEYou little Jack-a-Lent, have you been
line 1496true to us?
line 1497ROBINAy, I’ll be sworn. My master knows not of your
line 1498being here and hath threatened to put me into
line 1499everlasting liberty if I tell you of it, for he swears
30line 1500he’ll turn me away.
line 1501MISTRESS PAGEThou ’rt a good boy. This secrecy of
line 1502thine shall be a tailor to thee and shall make thee a
line 1503new doublet and hose.—I’ll go hide me.
line 1504MISTRESS FORDDo so.—Go tell thy master I am alone.
35line 1505Robin exits. Mistress Page, remember you your
line 1506cue.
line 1507MISTRESS PAGEI warrant thee. If I do not act it, hiss
line 1508me.She exits.
line 1509MISTRESS FORDGo to, then. We’ll use this unwholesome
40line 1510humidity, this gross-wat’ry pumpion. We’ll
line 1511teach him to know turtles from jays.

Enter Sir John Falstaff.

line 1512FALSTAFF“Have I caught thee, my heavenly jewel?”
line 1513Why, now let me die, for I have lived long enough.
line 1514This is the period of my ambition. O, this blessèd
45line 1515hour!
line 1516MISTRESS FORDO, sweet Sir John!
line 1517FALSTAFFMistress Ford, I cannot cog. I cannot prate,
line 1518Mistress Ford. Now shall I sin in my wish: I would
line 1519thy husband were dead. I’ll speak it before the best
50line 1520lord: I would make thee my lady.
line 1521MISTRESS FORDI your lady, Sir John? Alas, I should be
line 1522a pitiful lady.
line 1523FALSTAFFLet the court of France show me such
line 1524another. I see how thine eye would emulate the
55line 1525diamond. Thou hast the right arched beauty of the
line 1526brow that becomes the ship-tire, the tire-valiant,
line 1527or any tire of Venetian admittance.
line 1528MISTRESS FORDA plain kerchief, Sir John. My brows
line 1529become nothing else, nor that well neither.
Act 3 Scene 3 - Pg 107 60line 1530FALSTAFFThou art a tyrant to say so. Thou wouldst
line 1531make an absolute courtier, and the firm fixture of
line 1532thy foot would give an excellent motion to thy gait
line 1533in a semicircled farthingale. I see what thou wert,
line 1534if Fortune thy foe were not, Nature thy friend.
65line 1535Come, thou canst not hide it.
line 1536MISTRESS FORDBelieve me, there’s no such thing in
line 1537me.
line 1538FALSTAFFWhat made me love thee? Let that persuade
line 1539thee. There’s something extraordinary in thee.
70line 1540Come, I cannot cog and say thou art this and that
line 1541like a many of these lisping hawthorn buds that
line 1542come like women in men’s apparel and smell like
line 1543Bucklersbury in simple time. I cannot. But I love
line 1544thee, none but thee; and thou deserv’st it.
75line 1545MISTRESS FORDDo not betray me, sir. I fear you love
line 1546Mistress Page.
line 1547FALSTAFFThou mightst as well say I love to walk by
line 1548the Counter gate, which is as hateful to me as the
line 1549reek of a lime-kiln.
80line 1550MISTRESS FORDWell, heaven knows how I love you,
line 1551and you shall one day find it.
line 1552FALSTAFFKeep in that mind. I’ll deserve it.
line 1553MISTRESS FORDNay, I must tell you, so you do, or else
line 1554I could not be in that mind.

Enter Robin.

85line 1555ROBINMistress Ford, Mistress Ford! Here’s Mistress
line 1556Page at the door, sweating and blowing and looking
line 1557wildly, and would needs speak with you
line 1558presently.
line 1559FALSTAFFShe shall not see me. I will ensconce me behind
90line 1560the arras.
line 1561MISTRESS FORDPray you, do so. She’s a very tattling
line 1562woman.Falstaff stands behind the arras.
Act 3 Scene 3 - Pg 109

Enter Mistress Page.

line 1563What’s the matter? How now?
line 1564MISTRESS PAGEO Mistress Ford, what have you done?
95line 1565You’re shamed, you’re overthrown, you’re undone
line 1566forever!
line 1567MISTRESS FORDWhat’s the matter, good Mistress Page?
line 1568MISTRESS PAGEO well-a-day, Mistress Ford, having an
line 1569honest man to your husband, to give him such
100line 1570cause of suspicion!
line 1571MISTRESS FORDWhat cause of suspicion?
line 1572MISTRESS PAGEWhat cause of suspicion? Out upon you!
line 1573How am I mistook in you!
line 1574MISTRESS FORDWhy, alas, what’s the matter?
105line 1575MISTRESS PAGEYour husband’s coming hither, woman,
line 1576with all the officers in Windsor, to search for a gentleman
line 1577that he says is here now in the house, by
line 1578your consent, to take an ill advantage of his absence.
line 1579You are undone.
110line 1580MISTRESS FORD’Tis not so, I hope.
line 1581MISTRESS PAGEPray heaven it be not so, that you have
line 1582such a man here! But ’tis most certain your husband’s
line 1583coming, with half Windsor at his heels, to
line 1584search for such a one. I come before to tell you. If
115line 1585you know yourself clear, why, I am glad of it. But if
line 1586you have a friend here, convey, convey him out. Be
line 1587not amazed! Call all your senses to you; defend
line 1588your reputation, or bid farewell to your good life
line 1589forever.
120line 1590MISTRESS FORDWhat shall I do? There is a gentleman,
line 1591my dear friend; and I fear not mine own shame so
line 1592much as his peril. I had rather than a thousand
line 1593pound he were out of the house.
line 1594MISTRESS PAGEFor shame! Never stand “you had
125line 1595rather” and “you had rather.” Your husband’s here
line 1596at hand. Bethink you of some conveyance. In the
Act 3 Scene 3 - Pg 111 line 1597house you cannot hide him. O, how have you deceived
line 1598me! Look, here is a basket. If he be of any
line 1599reasonable stature, he may creep in here; and
130line 1600throw foul linen upon him, as if it were going to
line 1601bucking. Or—it is whiting time—send him by your
line 1602two men to Datchet Mead.
line 1603MISTRESS FORDHe’s too big to go in there. What shall I
line 1604do?Falstaff comes forward.
135line 1605FALSTAFFLet me see ’t, let me see ’t! O, let me see ’t! I’ll
line 1606in, I’ll in. Follow your friend’s counsel. I’ll in.
line 1607MISTRESS PAGEWhat, Sir John Falstaff? Aside to him.
line 1608Are these your letters, knight?
line 1609FALSTAFFaside to Mistress Page I love thee. Help me
140line 1610away. Let me creep in here. I’ll never—

Falstaff goes into the basket; they cover him with dirty clothes.

line 1611MISTRESS PAGEto Robin Help to cover your master,
line 1612boy.—Call your men, Mistress Ford.—You dissembling
line 1613knight!Robin exits.
line 1614MISTRESS FORDWhat, John! Robert! John!

Enter Robert and John.

145line 1615Go, take up these clothes here quickly. Where’s the
line 1616cowlstaff? Look how you drumble! Carry them to
line 1617the laundress in Datchet Mead. Quickly! Come.

Enter Ford, Page, Doctor Caius, and Sir Hugh Evans.

line 1618FORDPray you, come near. If I suspect without cause,
line 1619why then make sport at me. Then let me be your
150line 1620jest; I deserve it.—How now? Whither bear you
line 1621this?
line 1622ROBERT and JOHNTo the laundress, forsooth.
line 1623MISTRESS FORDWhy, what have you to do whither they
line 1624bear it? You were best meddle with buck-washing!
Act 3 Scene 3 - Pg 113 155line 1625FORDBuck? I would I could wash myself of the buck.
line 1626Buck, buck, buck! Ay, buck! I warrant you, buck,
line 1627and of the season too, it shall appear.

Robert and John exit with the buck-basket.

line 1628Gentlemen, I have dreamed tonight; I’ll tell you my
line 1629dream. Here, here, here be my keys. Ascend my
160line 1630chambers. Search, seek, find out. I’ll warrant we’ll
line 1631unkennel the fox. Let me stop this way first.
line 1632He locks the door. So, now uncape.
line 1633PAGEGood Master Ford, be contented. You wrong
line 1634yourself too much.
165line 1635FORDTrue, Master Page.—Up, gentlemen. You shall
line 1636see sport anon. Follow me, gentlemen.He exits.
line 1637SIR HUGHThis is fery fantastical humors and
line 1638jealousies.
line 1639DOCTOR CAIUSBy gar, ’tis no the fashion of France. It is
170line 1640not jealous in France.
line 1641PAGENay, follow him, gentlemen. See the issue of his
line 1642search.Page, Sir Hugh, and Caius exit.
line 1643MISTRESS PAGEIs there not a double excellency in this?
line 1644MISTRESS FORDI know not which pleases me better—
175line 1645that my husband is deceived, or Sir John.
line 1646MISTRESS PAGEWhat a taking was he in when your
line 1647husband asked who was in the basket!
line 1648MISTRESS FORDI am half afraid he will have need of
line 1649washing, so throwing him into the water will do
180line 1650him a benefit.
line 1651MISTRESS PAGEHang him, dishonest rascal! I would all
line 1652of the same strain were in the same distress.
line 1653MISTRESS FORDI think my husband hath some special
line 1654suspicion of Falstaff’s being here, for I never saw
185line 1655him so gross in his jealousy till now.
line 1656MISTRESS PAGEI will lay a plot to try that, and we will
line 1657yet have more tricks with Falstaff. His dissolute
line 1658disease will scarce obey this medicine.
line 1659MISTRESS FORDShall we send that foolish carrion Mistress
Act 3 Scene 3 - Pg 115 190line 1660Quickly to him, and excuse his throwing into
line 1661the water, and give him another hope, to betray
line 1662him to another punishment?
line 1663MISTRESS PAGEWe will do it. Let him be sent for tomorrow
line 1664eight o’clock to have amends.

Enter Ford, Page, Doctor Caius, and Sir Hugh.

195line 1665FORDI cannot find him. Maybe the knave bragged of
line 1666that he could not compass.
line 1667MISTRESS PAGEaside to Mistress Ford Heard you
line 1668that?
line 1669MISTRESS FORDYou use me well, Master Ford, do you?
200line 1670FORDAy, I do so.
line 1671MISTRESS FORDHeaven make you better than your
line 1672thoughts!
line 1673FORDAmen!
line 1674MISTRESS PAGEYou do yourself mighty wrong, Master
205line 1675Ford.
line 1676FORDAy, ay. I must bear it.
line 1677SIR HUGHIf there be anypody in the house, and in the
line 1678chambers, and in the coffers, and in the presses,
line 1679heaven forgive my sins at the day of judgment!
210line 1680DOCTOR CAIUSBe gar, nor I too. There is nobodies.
line 1681PAGEFie, fie, Master Ford, are you not ashamed?
line 1682What spirit, what devil suggests this imagination?
line 1683I would not ha’ your distemper in this kind for the
line 1684wealth of Windsor Castle.
215line 1685FORD’Tis my fault, Master Page. I suffer for it.
line 1686SIR HUGHYou suffer for a pad conscience. Your wife is
line 1687as honest a ’omans as I will desires among five
line 1688thousand, and five hundred too.
line 1689DOCTOR CAIUSBy gar, I see ’tis an honest woman.
220line 1690FORDWell, I promised you a dinner. Come, come,
line 1691walk in the park. I pray you, pardon me. I will
line 1692hereafter make known to you why I have done
Act 3 Scene 4 - Pg 117 line 1693this.—Come, wife—come, Mistress Page, I pray
line 1694you, pardon me. Pray, heartily, pardon me.

Mistress Page and Mistress Ford exit.

225line 1695PAGEto Caius and Sir Hugh Let’s go in, gentlemen.
line 1696But, trust me, we’ll mock him.
line 1697 To Ford, Caius, and Sir Hugh. I do invite you tomorrow morning
line 1698to my house to breakfast. After, we’ll a-birding together;
line 1699I have a fine hawk for the bush. Shall it be
230line 1700so?
line 1701FORDAnything.
line 1702SIR HUGHIf there is one, I shall make two in the
line 1703company.
line 1704DOCTOR CAIUSIf there be one or two, I shall make-a the
235line 1705turd.
line 1706FORDPray you, go, Master Page.

Ford and Page exit.

line 1707SIR HUGHI pray you now, remembrance tomorrow on
line 1708the lousy knave mine Host.
line 1709DOCTOR CAIUSDat is good, by gar, with all my heart.
240line 1710SIR HUGHA lousy knave, to have his gibes and his
line 1711mockeries!

They exit.

Scene 4

Enter Fenton and Anne Page.

line 1712I see I cannot get thy father’s love;
line 1713Therefore no more turn me to him, sweet Nan.
line 1714Alas, how then?
line 1715FENTONWhy, thou must be thyself.
5line 1716He doth object I am too great of birth,
line 1717And that, my state being galled with my expense,
line 1718I seek to heal it only by his wealth.
Act 3 Scene 4 - Pg 119 line 1719Besides these, other bars he lays before me—
line 1720My riots past, my wild societies—
10line 1721And tells me ’tis a thing impossible
line 1722I should love thee but as a property.
line 1723ANNEMaybe he tells you true.
line 1724No, heaven so speed me in my time to come!
line 1725Albeit I will confess thy father’s wealth
15line 1726Was the first motive that I wooed thee, Anne,
line 1727Yet, wooing thee, I found thee of more value
line 1728Than stamps in gold or sums in sealèd bags.
line 1729And ’tis the very riches of thyself
line 1730That now I aim at.
20line 1731ANNEGentle Master Fenton,
line 1732Yet seek my father’s love, still seek it, sir.
line 1733If opportunity and humblest suit
line 1734Cannot attain it, why then—hark you hither.

They talk aside.

Enter Shallow, Slender, and Mistress Quickly.

line 1735SHALLOWBreak their talk, Mistress Quickly. My kinsman
25line 1736shall speak for himself.
line 1737SLENDERI’ll make a shaft or a bolt on ’t. ’Slid, ’tis but
line 1738venturing.
line 1739SHALLOWBe not dismayed.
line 1740SLENDERNo, she shall not dismay me. I care not for
30line 1741that, but that I am afeard.
line 1742MISTRESS QUICKLYto Anne Hark ye, Master Slender
line 1743would speak a word with you.
line 1744I come to him. Aside. This is my father’s choice.
line 1745O, what a world of vile ill-favored faults
35line 1746Looks handsome in three hundred pounds a year!
line 1747MISTRESS QUICKLYAnd how does good Master Fenton?
line 1748Pray you, a word with you.They talk aside.
line 1749SHALLOWto Slender She’s coming. To her, coz! O
line 1750boy, thou hadst a father!
Act 3 Scene 4 - Pg 121 40line 1751SLENDERI had a father, Mistress Anne; my uncle can
line 1752tell you good jests of him.—Pray you, uncle, tell
line 1753Mistress Anne the jest how my father stole two
line 1754geese out of a pen, good uncle.
line 1755SHALLOWMistress Anne, my cousin loves you.
45line 1756SLENDERAy, that I do, as well as I love any woman in
line 1757Gloucestershire.
line 1758SHALLOWHe will maintain you like a gentlewoman.
line 1759SLENDERAy, that I will, come cut and longtail, under
line 1760the degree of a squire.
50line 1761SHALLOWHe will make you a hundred and fifty
line 1762pounds jointure.
line 1763ANNEGood Master Shallow, let him woo for himself.
line 1764SHALLOWMarry, I thank you for it. I thank you for that
line 1765good comfort.—She calls you, coz. I’ll leave you.

He steps aside.

55line 1766ANNENow, Master Slender.
line 1767SLENDERNow, good Mistress Anne.
line 1768ANNEWhat is your will?
line 1769SLENDERMy will? ’Od’s heartlings, that’s a pretty jest
line 1770indeed! I ne’er made my will yet, I thank heaven. I
60line 1771am not such a sickly creature, I give heaven praise.
line 1772ANNEI mean, Master Slender, what would you with
line 1773me?
line 1774SLENDERTruly, for mine own part, I would little or
line 1775nothing with you. Your father and my uncle hath
65line 1776made motions. If it be my luck, so; if not, happy
line 1777man be his dole. They can tell you how things go
line 1778better than I can. You may ask your father.

Enter Page and Mistress Page.

line 1779Here he comes.
line 1780Now, Master Slender.—Love him, daughter Anne.—
70line 1781Why, how now? What does Master Fenton here?
Act 3 Scene 4 - Pg 123 line 1782You wrong me, sir, thus still to haunt my house.
line 1783I told you, sir, my daughter is disposed of.
line 1784Nay, Master Page, be not impatient.
line 1785Good Master Fenton, come not to my child.
75line 1786PAGEShe is no match for you.
line 1787FENTONSir, will you hear me?
line 1788PAGENo, good Master Fenton.—
line 1789Come Master Shallow.—Come, son Slender, in.—
line 1790Knowing my mind, you wrong me, Master Fenton.

Page, Shallow, and Slender exit.

80line 1791MISTRESS QUICKLYto Fenton Speak to Mistress Page.
line 1792Good Mistress Page, for that I love your daughter
line 1793In such a righteous fashion as I do,
line 1794Perforce, against all checks, rebukes, and manners,
line 1795I must advance the colors of my love
85line 1796And not retire. Let me have your good will.
line 1797Good mother, do not marry me to yond fool.
line 1798I mean it not; I seek you a better husband.
line 1799MISTRESS QUICKLYThat’s my master, Master Doctor.
line 1800Alas, I had rather be set quick i’ th’ earth
90line 1801And bowled to death with turnips!
line 1802Come, trouble not yourself.—Good Master Fenton,
line 1803I will not be your friend nor enemy.
line 1804My daughter will I question how she loves you,
line 1805And as I find her, so am I affected.
95line 1806Till then, farewell, sir. She must needs go in;
line 1807Her father will be angry.
line 1808Farewell, gentle mistress.—Farewell, Nan.

Mistress Page and Anne Page exit.

Act 3 Scene 5 - Pg 125 line 1809MISTRESS QUICKLYThis is my doing now. “Nay,” said I,
line 1810“will you cast away your child on a fool and a
100line 1811physician? Look on Master Fenton.” This is my
line 1812doing.
line 1813I thank thee; and I pray thee, once tonight
line 1814Give my sweet Nan this ring. There’s for thy pains.

He gives her money and a ring.

line 1815MISTRESS QUICKLYNow heaven send thee good fortune.

Fenton exits.

105line 1816A kind heart he hath. A woman would run through
line 1817fire and water for such a kind heart. But yet I
line 1818would my master had Mistress Anne, or I would
line 1819Master Slender had her, or, in sooth, I would Master
line 1820Fenton had her. I will do what I can for them all
110line 1821three; for so I have promised and I’ll be as good as
line 1822my word—but speciously for Master Fenton. Well,
line 1823I must of another errand to Sir John Falstaff from
line 1824my two mistresses. What a beast am I to slack it!

She exits.

Scene 5

Enter Sir John Falstaff.

line 1825FALSTAFFBardolph, I say!

Enter Bardolph.

line 1826BARDOLPHHere, sir.
line 1827FALSTAFFGo fetch me a quart of sack; put a toast in ’t.

Bardolph exits.

line 1828Have I lived to be carried in a basket like a barrow
5line 1829of butcher’s offal, and to be thrown in the Thames?
line 1830Well, if I be served such another trick, I’ll have my
line 1831brains ta’en out and buttered, and give them to a
line 1832dog for a New Year’s gift. ’Sblood, the rogues
Act 3 Scene 5 - Pg 127 line 1833slighted me into the river with as little remorse as
10line 1834they would have drowned a blind bitch’s puppies,
line 1835fifteen i’ th’ litter! And you may know by my size
line 1836that I have a kind of alacrity in sinking; if the bottom
line 1837were as deep as hell, I should down. I had
line 1838been drowned, but that the shore was shelvy and
15line 1839shallow—a death that I abhor, for the water swells
line 1840a man, and what a thing should I have been when
line 1841I had been swelled! By the Lord, I should have
line 1842been a mountain of mummy.

Enter Bardolph with cups of sack.

line 1843BARDOLPHHere’s Mistress Quickly, sir, to speak with
20line 1844you.
line 1845FALSTAFFCome, let me pour in some sack to the
line 1846Thames water, for my belly’s as cold as if I had
line 1847swallowed snowballs for pills to cool the reins.
line 1848He drinks. Call her in.
25line 1849BARDOLPHCome in, woman.

Enter Mistress Quickly.

line 1850MISTRESS QUICKLYBy your leave, I cry you mercy. Give
line 1851your Worship good morrow.
line 1852FALSTAFFto Bardolph Take away these chalices. Go
line 1853brew me a pottle of sack finely.
30line 1854BARDOLPHWith eggs, sir?
line 1855FALSTAFFSimple of itself. I’ll no pullet sperm in my
line 1856brewage.Bardolph exits.
line 1857How now?
line 1858MISTRESS QUICKLYMarry, sir, I come to your Worship
35line 1859from Mistress Ford.
line 1860FALSTAFFMistress Ford? I have had ford enough. I
line 1861was thrown into the ford, I have my belly full of
line 1862ford.
line 1863MISTRESS QUICKLYAlas the day, good heart, that was
40line 1864not her fault. She does so take on with her men;
line 1865they mistook their erection.
Act 3 Scene 5 - Pg 129 line 1866FALSTAFFSo did I mine, to build upon a foolish
line 1867woman’s promise.
line 1868MISTRESS QUICKLYWell, she laments, sir, for it, that it
45line 1869would yearn your heart to see it. Her husband goes
line 1870this morning a-birding; she desires you once more
line 1871to come to her, between eight and nine. I must
line 1872carry her word quickly. She’ll make you amends, I
line 1873warrant you.
50line 1874FALSTAFFWell, I will visit her. Tell her so. And bid her
line 1875think what a man is. Let her consider his frailty,
line 1876and then judge of my merit.
line 1877MISTRESS QUICKLYI will tell her.
line 1878FALSTAFFDo so. Between nine and ten, say’st thou?
55line 1879MISTRESS QUICKLYEight and nine, sir.
line 1880FALSTAFFWell, be gone. I will not miss her.
line 1881MISTRESS QUICKLYPeace be with you, sir.

Mistress Quickly exits.

line 1882FALSTAFFI marvel I hear not of Master Brook. He
line 1883sent me word to stay within. I like his money well.

Enter Ford disguised as Brook.

60line 1884O, here he comes.
line 1885FORDas Brook God bless you, sir.
line 1886FALSTAFFNow, Master Brook, you come to know
line 1887what hath passed between me and Ford’s wife.
line 1888FORDas Brook That indeed, Sir John, is my
65line 1889business.
line 1890FALSTAFFMaster Brook, I will not lie to you. I was at
line 1891her house the hour she appointed me.
line 1892FORDas Brook And sped you, sir?
line 1893FALSTAFFVery ill-favoredly, Master Brook.
70line 1894FORDas Brook How so, sir? Did she change her
line 1895determination?
line 1896FALSTAFFNo, Master Brook, but the peaking cornuto
line 1897her husband, Master Brook, dwelling in a continual
line 1898’larum of jealousy, comes me in the instant of
Act 3 Scene 5 - Pg 131 75line 1899our encounter, after we had embraced, kissed,
line 1900protested, and, as it were, spoke the prologue of
line 1901our comedy, and, at his heels, a rabble of his companions,
line 1902thither provoked and instigated by his
line 1903distemper, and, forsooth, to search his house for
80line 1904his wife’s love.
line 1905FORDas Brook What, while you were there?
line 1906FALSTAFFWhile I was there.
line 1907FORDas Brook And did he search for you and could
line 1908not find you?
85line 1909FALSTAFFYou shall hear. As good luck would have it,
line 1910comes in one Mistress Page, gives intelligence of
line 1911Ford’s approach, and, in her invention and Ford’s
line 1912wife’s distraction, they conveyed me into a
line 1913buck-basket.
90line 1914FORDas Brook A buck-basket!
line 1915FALSTAFFBy the Lord, a buck-basket! Rammed me
line 1916in with foul shirts and smocks, socks, foul stockings,
line 1917greasy napkins, that, Master Brook, there
line 1918was the rankest compound of villainous smell that
95line 1919ever offended nostril.
line 1920FORDas Brook And how long lay you there?
line 1921FALSTAFFNay, you shall hear, Master Brook, what I
line 1922have suffered to bring this woman to evil for your
line 1923good. Being thus crammed in the basket, a couple
100line 1924of Ford’s knaves, his hinds, were called forth by
line 1925their mistress to carry me in the name of foul
line 1926clothes to Datchet Lane. They took me on their
line 1927shoulders, met the jealous knave their master in
line 1928the door, who asked them once or twice what they
105line 1929had in their basket. I quaked for fear lest the lunatic
line 1930knave would have searched it, but fate, ordaining
line 1931he should be a cuckold, held his hand.
line 1932Well, on went he for a search, and away went I for
line 1933foul clothes. But mark the sequel, Master Brook.
110line 1934I suffered the pangs of three several deaths: first,
Act 3 Scene 5 - Pg 133 line 1935an intolerable fright to be detected with a jealous
line 1936rotten bellwether; next, to be compassed, like a
line 1937good bilbo, in the circumference of a peck, hilt to
line 1938point, heel to head; and then, to be stopped in, like
115line 1939a strong distillation, with stinking clothes that fretted
line 1940in their own grease. Think of that, a man of my
line 1941kidney—think of that—that am as subject to heat
line 1942as butter; a man of continual dissolution and thaw.
line 1943It was a miracle to ’scape suffocation. And in
120line 1944the height of this bath, when I was more than half-stewed
line 1945in grease, like a Dutch dish, to be thrown
line 1946into the Thames and cooled, glowing hot, in that
line 1947surge, like a horseshoe! Think of that—hissing
line 1948hot—think of that, Master Brook.
125line 1949FORDas Brook In good sadness, sir, I am sorry that
line 1950for my sake you have suffered all this. My suit,
line 1951then, is desperate. You’ll undertake her no more?
line 1952FALSTAFFMaster Brook, I will be thrown into Etna,
line 1953as I have been into Thames, ere I will leave her
130line 1954thus. Her husband is this morning gone a-birding.
line 1955I have received from her another embassy of meeting.
line 1956’Twixt eight and nine is the hour, Master
line 1957Brook.
line 1958FORDas Brook ’Tis past eight already, sir.
135line 1959FALSTAFFIs it? I will then address me to my appointment.
line 1960Come to me at your convenient leisure,
line 1961and you shall know how I speed; and the conclusion
line 1962shall be crowned with your enjoying her.
line 1963Adieu. You shall have her, Master Brook. Master
140line 1964Brook, you shall cuckold Ford.Falstaff exits.
line 1965FORDHum! Ha! Is this a vision? Is this a dream? Do I
line 1966sleep? Master Ford, awake! Awake, Master Ford!
line 1967There’s a hole made in your best coat, Master
line 1968Ford. This ’tis to be married; this ’tis to have linen
145line 1969and buck-baskets! Well, I will proclaim myself
line 1970what I am. I will now take the lecher. He is at my
Act 3 Scene 5 - Pg 135 line 1971house. He cannot ’scape me. ’Tis impossible he
line 1972should. He cannot creep into a half-penny purse,
line 1973nor into a pepper-box. But lest the devil that
150line 1974guides him should aid him, I will search impossible
line 1975places. Though what I am I cannot avoid, yet to
line 1976be what I would not shall not make me tame. If I
line 1977have horns to make one mad, let the proverb go
line 1978with me: I’ll be horn-mad.

He exits.


Scene 1

Enter Mistress Page, Mistress Quickly, and William.

line 1979MISTRESS PAGEIs he at Master Ford’s already, think’st
line 1980thou?
line 1981MISTRESS QUICKLYSure he is by this, or will be presently.
line 1982But truly he is very courageous mad about
5line 1983his throwing into the water. Mistress Ford desires
line 1984you to come suddenly.
line 1985MISTRESS PAGEI’ll be with her by and by. I’ll but bring
line 1986my young man here to school.

Enter Sir Hugh Evans.

line 1987Look where his master comes. ’Tis a playing day, I
10line 1988see.—How now, Sir Hugh, no school today?
line 1989SIR HUGHNo. Master Slender is let the boys leave to
line 1990play.
line 1991MISTRESS QUICKLYBlessing of his heart!
line 1992MISTRESS PAGESir Hugh, my husband says my son
15line 1993profits nothing in the world at his book. I pray you,
line 1994ask him some questions in his accidence.
line 1995SIR HUGHCome hither, William. Hold up your head.
line 1996Come.
line 1997MISTRESS PAGECome on, sirrah. Hold up your head.
20line 1998Answer your master. Be not afraid.
line 1999SIR HUGHWilliam, how many numbers is in nouns?
line 2000WILLIAMTwo.
Act 4 Scene 1 - Pg 141 line 2001MISTRESS QUICKLYTruly, I thought there had been one
line 2002number more, because they say “’Od’s nouns.”
25line 2003SIR HUGHPeace your tattlings!—What is “fair,”
line 2004William?
line 2005WILLIAMPulcher.
line 2006MISTRESS QUICKLYPolecats? There are fairer things
line 2007than polecats, sure.
30line 2008SIR HUGHYou are a very simplicity ’oman. I pray you,
line 2009peace.—What is lapis, William?
line 2010WILLIAMA stone.
line 2011SIR HUGHAnd what is “a stone,” William?
line 2012WILLIAMA pebble.
35line 2013SIR HUGHNo. It is lapis. I pray you, remember in your
line 2014prain.
line 2015WILLIAMLapis.
line 2016SIR HUGHThat is a good William. What is he, William,
line 2017that does lend articles?
40line 2018WILLIAMArticles are borrowed of the pronoun and be
line 2019thus declined: singulariter, nominativo, hic, haec,
line 2020hoc.
line 2021SIR HUGHNominativo, hig, haeg, hog. Pray you, mark:
line 2022genitivo, huius. Well, what is your accusative case?
45line 2023WILLIAMAccusativo, hinc.
line 2024SIR HUGHI pray you, have your remembrance, child.
line 2025Accusativo, hung, hang, hog.
line 2026MISTRESS QUICKLY“Hang-hog” is Latin for bacon, I
line 2027warrant you.
50line 2028SIR HUGHLeave your prabbles, ’oman.—What is the
line 2029focative case, William?
line 2030WILLIAMO—vocativo—O—
line 2031SIR HUGHRemember, William, focative is caret.
line 2032MISTRESS QUICKLYAnd that’s a good root.
55line 2033SIR HUGH’Oman, forbear.
line 2034MISTRESS PAGEto Mistress Quickly Peace!
line 2035SIR HUGHWhat is your genitive case plural, William?
line 2036WILLIAMGenitive case?
Act 4 Scene 2 - Pg 143 line 2037SIR HUGHAy.
60line 2038WILLIAMGenitive: horum, harum, horum.
line 2039MISTRESS QUICKLYVengeance of Ginny’s case! Fie on
line 2040her! Never name her, child, if she be a whore.
line 2041SIR HUGHFor shame, ’oman!
line 2042MISTRESS QUICKLYYou do ill to teach the child such
65line 2043words.—He teaches him to hick and to hack,
line 2044which they’ll do fast enough of themselves, and to
line 2045call “whorum.”—Fie upon you!
line 2046SIR HUGH’Oman, art thou lunatics? Hast thou no understandings
line 2047for thy cases and the numbers of the
70line 2048genders? Thou art as foolish Christian creatures as
line 2049I would desires.
line 2050MISTRESS PAGEto Mistress Quickly Prithee, hold thy
line 2051peace.
line 2052SIR HUGHShow me now, William, some declensions of
75line 2053your pronouns.
line 2054WILLIAMForsooth, I have forgot.
line 2055SIR HUGHIt is qui, quae, quod. If you forget your qui’s,
line 2056your quae’s, and your quod’s, you must be
line 2057preeches. Go your ways and play, go.
80line 2058MISTRESS PAGEHe is a better scholar than I thought he
line 2059was.
line 2060SIR HUGHHe is a good sprag memory. Farewell, Mistress
line 2061Page.
line 2062MISTRESS PAGEAdieu, good Sir Hugh.—Get you home,
85line 2063boy. To Mistress Quickly. Come. We stay too
line 2064long.

They exit.

Scene 2

Enter Sir John Falstaff and Mistress Ford.

line 2065FALSTAFFMistress Ford, your sorrow hath eaten up
line 2066my sufferance. I see you are obsequious in your
line 2067love, and I profess requital to a hair’s breadth, not
Act 4 Scene 2 - Pg 145 line 2068only, Mistress Ford, in the simple office of love,
5line 2069but in all the accoutrement, compliment, and ceremony
line 2070of it. But are you sure of your husband now?
line 2071MISTRESS FORDHe’s a-birding, sweet Sir John.
line 2072MISTRESS PAGEwithin What ho, gossip Ford! What
line 2073ho!
10line 2074MISTRESS FORDStep into th’ chamber, Sir John.

Falstaff exits.

Enter Mistress Page.

line 2075MISTRESS PAGEHow now, sweetheart, who’s at home
line 2076besides yourself?
line 2077MISTRESS FORDWhy, none but mine own people.
line 2078MISTRESS PAGEIndeed?
15line 2079MISTRESS FORDNo, certainly. Aside to her. Speak
line 2080louder.
line 2081MISTRESS PAGETruly, I am so glad you have nobody
line 2082here.
line 2083MISTRESS FORDWhy?
20line 2084MISTRESS PAGEWhy, woman, your husband is in his
line 2085old lunes again. He so takes on yonder with my
line 2086husband, so rails against all married mankind, so
line 2087curses all Eve’s daughters of what complexion soever,
line 2088and so buffets himself on the forehead, crying
25line 2089“Peer out, peer out!” that any madness I ever yet
line 2090beheld seemed but tameness, civility, and patience
line 2091to this his distemper he is in now. I am glad the fat
line 2092knight is not here.
line 2093MISTRESS FORDWhy, does he talk of him?
30line 2094MISTRESS PAGEOf none but him, and swears he was
line 2095carried out, the last time he searched for him, in a
line 2096basket; protests to my husband he is now here;
line 2097and hath drawn him and the rest of their company
line 2098from their sport to make another experiment of
35line 2099his suspicion. But I am glad the knight is not here.
line 2100Now he shall see his own foolery.
Act 4 Scene 2 - Pg 147 line 2101MISTRESS FORDHow near is he, Mistress Page?
line 2102MISTRESS PAGEHard by, at street end. He will be here
line 2103anon.
40line 2104MISTRESS FORDI am undone! The knight is here.
line 2105MISTRESS PAGEWhy then, you are utterly shamed, and
line 2106he’s but a dead man. What a woman are you! Away
line 2107with him, away with him! Better shame than
line 2108murder.
45line 2109MISTRESS FORDWhich way should he go? How should
line 2110I bestow him? Shall I put him into the basket
line 2111again?

Enter Sir John Falstaff.

line 2112FALSTAFFNo, I’ll come no more i’ th’ basket. May I not
line 2113go out ere he come?
50line 2114MISTRESS PAGEAlas, three of Master Ford’s brothers
line 2115watch the door with pistols, that none shall issue
line 2116out. Otherwise you might slip away ere he came.
line 2117But what make you here?
line 2118FALSTAFFWhat shall I do? I’ll creep up into the
55line 2119chimney.
line 2120MISTRESS FORDThere they always use to discharge
line 2121their birding pieces.
line 2122MISTRESS PAGECreep into the kiln-hole.
line 2123FALSTAFFWhere is it?
60line 2124MISTRESS FORDHe will seek there, on my word. Neither
line 2125press, coffer, chest, trunk, well, vault, but he
line 2126hath an abstract for the remembrance of such
line 2127places, and goes to them by his note. There is no
line 2128hiding you in the house.
65line 2129FALSTAFFI’ll go out, then.
line 2130MISTRESS PAGEIf you go out in your own semblance,
line 2131you die, Sir John—unless you go out disguised.
line 2132MISTRESS FORDHow might we disguise him?
line 2133MISTRESS PAGEAlas the day, I know not. There is no
70line 2134woman’s gown big enough for him; otherwise he
Act 4 Scene 2 - Pg 149 line 2135might put on a hat, a muffler, and a kerchief, and
line 2136so escape.
line 2137FALSTAFFGood hearts, devise something. Any extremity
line 2138rather than a mischief.
75line 2139MISTRESS FORDMy maid’s aunt, the fat woman of
line 2140Brentford, has a gown above.
line 2141MISTRESS PAGEOn my word, it will serve him. She’s as
line 2142big as he is. And there’s her thrummed hat and her
line 2143muffler too.—Run up, Sir John.
80line 2144MISTRESS FORDGo, go, sweet Sir John. Mistress Page
line 2145and I will look some linen for your head.
line 2146MISTRESS PAGEQuick, quick! We’ll come dress you
line 2147straight. Put on the gown the while.

Falstaff exits.

line 2148MISTRESS FORDI would my husband would meet him
85line 2149in this shape. He cannot abide the old woman of
line 2150Brentford. He swears she’s a witch, forbade her my
line 2151house, and hath threatened to beat her.
line 2152MISTRESS PAGEHeaven guide him to thy husband’s
line 2153cudgel, and the devil guide his cudgel afterwards!
90line 2154MISTRESS FORDBut is my husband coming?
line 2155MISTRESS PAGEAy, in good sadness is he, and talks of
line 2156the basket too, howsoever he hath had
line 2157intelligence.
line 2158MISTRESS FORDWe’ll try that; for I’ll appoint my men
95line 2159to carry the basket again, to meet him at the door
line 2160with it as they did last time.
line 2161MISTRESS PAGENay, but he’ll be here presently. Let’s go
line 2162dress him like the witch of Brentford.
line 2163MISTRESS FORDI’ll first direct my men what they shall
100line 2164do with the basket. Go up. I’ll bring linen for him
line 2165straight.She exits.
line 2166MISTRESS PAGEHang him, dishonest varlet! We cannot
line 2167misuse him enough.
line 2168We’ll leave a proof, by that which we will do,
105line 2169Wives may be merry and yet honest too.
Act 4 Scene 2 - Pg 151 line 2170We do not act that often jest and laugh;
line 2171’Tis old but true: “Still swine eats all the draff.”

She exits.

Enter Mistress Ford with Robert and John, who bring the buck-basket.

line 2172MISTRESS FORDGo, sirs, take the basket again on your
line 2173shoulders. Your master is hard at door. If he bid
110line 2174you set it down, obey him. Quickly, dispatch.

She exits.

line 2175ROBERTCome, come, take it up.
line 2176JOHNPray heaven it be not full of knight again.
line 2177ROBERTI hope not. I had lief as bear so much lead.

They pick up the basket.

Enter Ford, Page, Doctor Caius, Sir Hugh Evans, and Shallow.

line 2178FORDAy, but if it prove true, Master Page, have you
115line 2179any way then to unfool me again?—Set down the
line 2180basket, villain. They put the basket down. Somebody
line 2181call my wife. Youth in a basket! O, you panderly
line 2182rascals! There’s a knot, a gang, a pack, a
line 2183conspiracy against me. Now shall the devil be
120line 2184shamed.—What, wife, I say! Come, come forth!
line 2185Behold what honest clothes you send forth to
line 2186bleaching!
line 2187PAGEWhy, this passes, Master Ford! You are not to go
line 2188loose any longer; you must be pinioned.
125line 2189SIR HUGHWhy, this is lunatics. This is mad as a mad
line 2190dog.
line 2191SHALLOWIndeed, Master Ford, this is not well, indeed.
line 2192FORDSo say I too, sir.

Enter Mistress Ford.

line 2193Come hither, Mistress Ford.—Mistress Ford, the
130line 2194honest woman, the modest wife, the virtuous creature,
Act 4 Scene 2 - Pg 153 line 2195that hath the jealous fool to her husband!—I
line 2196suspect without cause, mistress, do I?
line 2197MISTRESS FORDHeaven be my witness you do, if you
line 2198suspect me in any dishonesty.
135line 2199FORDWell said, brazen-face. Hold it out.—Come
line 2200forth, sirrah.He pulls clothes out of the basket.
line 2201PAGEThis passes.
line 2202MISTRESS FORDAre you not ashamed? Let the clothes
line 2203alone.
140line 2204FORDI shall find you anon.
line 2205SIR HUGH’Tis unreasonable. Will you take up your
line 2206wife’s clothes? Come, away.
line 2207FORDto the Servants Empty the basket, I say.
line 2208MISTRESS FORDWhy, man, why?
145line 2209FORDMaster Page, as I am a man, there was one conveyed
line 2210out of my house yesterday in this basket.
line 2211Why may not he be there again? In my house I am
line 2212sure he is. My intelligence is true, my jealousy is
line 2213reasonable.—Pluck me out all the linen.
150line 2214MISTRESS FORDIf you find a man there, he shall die a
line 2215flea’s death.Robert and John empty the basket.
line 2216PAGEHere’s no man.
line 2217SHALLOWBy my fidelity, this is not well, Master Ford.
line 2218This wrongs you.
155line 2219SIR HUGHMaster Ford, you must pray, and not follow
line 2220the imaginations of your own heart. This is
line 2221jealousies.
line 2222FORDWell, he’s not here I seek for.
line 2223PAGENo, nor nowhere else but in your brain.
160line 2224FORDHelp to search my house this one time. If I find
line 2225not what I seek, show no color for my extremity.
line 2226Let me forever be your table-sport. Let them say of
line 2227me “As jealous as Ford, that searched a hollow
line 2228walnut for his wife’s leman.” Satisfy me once
165line 2229more. Once more search with me.

Robert and John refill the basket and carry it off.

Act 4 Scene 2 - Pg 155 line 2230MISTRESS FORDcalling offstage What ho, Mistress
line 2231Page! Come you and the old woman down. My
line 2232husband will come into the chamber.
line 2233FORD“Old woman”? What old woman’s that?
170line 2234MISTRESS FORDWhy, it is my maid’s aunt of Brentford.
line 2235FORDA witch, a quean, an old cozening quean! Have
line 2236I not forbid her my house? She comes of errands,
line 2237does she? We are simple men; we do not know
line 2238what’s brought to pass under the profession of
175line 2239fortune-telling. She works by charms, by spells, by
line 2240th’ figure, and such daubery as this is, beyond our
line 2241element. We know nothing.— Come down, you
line 2242witch, you hag, you! Come down, I say!

Ford seizes a cudgel.

line 2243MISTRESS FORDNay, good sweet husband!—Good gentlemen,
180line 2244let him not strike the old woman.

Enter Mistress Page and Sir John Falstaff disguised as an old woman.

line 2245MISTRESS PAGECome, Mother Pratt; come, give me
line 2246your hand.
line 2247FORDI’ll pratt her. He beats Falstaff. Out of my
line 2248door, you witch, you rag, you baggage, you polecat,
185line 2249you runnion! Out, out! I’ll conjure you, I’ll
line 2250fortune-tell you!Falstaff exits.
line 2251MISTRESS PAGEAre you not ashamed? I think you have
line 2252killed the poor woman.
line 2253MISTRESS FORDNay, he will do it.—’Tis a goodly credit
190line 2254for you.
line 2255FORDHang her, witch!
line 2256SIR HUGHBy yea and no, I think the ’oman is a witch
line 2257indeed. I like not when a ’oman has a great peard.
line 2258I spy a great peard under her muffler.
195line 2259FORDWill you follow, gentlemen? I beseech you, follow.
line 2260See but the issue of my jealousy. If I cry out
line 2261thus upon no trail, never trust me when I open
line 2262again.
Act 4 Scene 3 - Pg 157 line 2263PAGELet’s obey his humor a little further. Come,
200line 2264gentlemen.

Ford, Page, Caius, Sir Hugh, and Shallow exit.

line 2265MISTRESS PAGETrust me, he beat him most pitifully.
line 2266MISTRESS FORDNay, by th’ Mass, that he did not; he
line 2267beat him most unpitifully, methought.
line 2268MISTRESS PAGEI’ll have the cudgel hallowed and hung
205line 2269o’er the altar. It hath done meritorious service.
line 2270MISTRESS FORDWhat think you? May we, with the
line 2271warrant of womanhood and the witness of a good
line 2272conscience, pursue him with any further revenge?
line 2273MISTRESS PAGEThe spirit of wantonness is, sure,
210line 2274scared out of him. If the devil have him not in fee
line 2275simple, with fine and recovery, he will never, I
line 2276think, in the way of waste, attempt us again.
line 2277MISTRESS FORDShall we tell our husbands how we
line 2278have served him?
215line 2279MISTRESS PAGEYes, by all means—if it be but to scrape
line 2280the figures out of your husband’s brains. If they
line 2281can find in their hearts the poor unvirtuous fat
line 2282knight shall be any further afflicted, we two will
line 2283still be the ministers.
220line 2284MISTRESS FORDI’ll warrant they’ll have him publicly
line 2285shamed, and methinks there would be no period to
line 2286the jest should he not be publicly shamed.
line 2287MISTRESS PAGECome, to the forge with it, then shape
line 2288it. I would not have things cool.

They exit.

Scene 3

Enter Host and Bardolph.

line 2289BARDOLPHSir, the Germans desire to have three of
line 2290your horses. The Duke himself will be tomorrow at
line 2291court, and they are going to meet him.
Act 4 Scene 4 - Pg 159 line 2292HOSTWhat duke should that be comes so secretly? I
5line 2293hear not of him in the court. Let me speak with the
line 2294gentlemen. They speak English?
line 2295BARDOLPHAy, sir. I’ll call them to you.
line 2296HOSTThey shall have my horses, but I’ll make them
line 2297pay. I’ll sauce them. They have had my house a
10line 2298week at command; I have turned away my other
line 2299guests. They must come off. I’ll sauce them. Come.

They exit.

Scene 4

Enter Page, Ford, Mistress Page, Mistress Ford, and Sir Hugh Evans.

line 2300SIR HUGH’Tis one of the best discretions of a ’oman as
line 2301ever I did look upon.
line 2302PAGEAnd did he send you both these letters at an
line 2303instant?
5line 2304MISTRESS PAGEWithin a quarter of an hour.
line 2305Pardon me, wife. Henceforth do what thou wilt.
line 2306I rather will suspect the sun with cold
line 2307Than thee with wantonness. Now doth thy honor
line 2308stand,
10line 2309In him that was of late an heretic,
line 2310As firm as faith.
line 2311PAGE’Tis well, ’tis well. No more.
line 2312Be not as extreme in submission as in offense.
line 2313But let our plot go forward. Let our wives
15line 2314Yet once again, to make us public sport,
line 2315Appoint a meeting with this old fat fellow,
line 2316Where we may take him and disgrace him for it.
line 2317There is no better way than that they spoke of.
line 2318PAGEHow, to send him word they’ll meet him in the
20line 2319park at midnight? Fie, fie, he’ll never come.
Act 4 Scene 4 - Pg 161 line 2320SIR HUGHYou say he has been thrown in the rivers
line 2321and has been grievously peaten as an old ’oman.
line 2322Methinks there should be terrors in him, that he
line 2323should not come. Methinks his flesh is punished;
25line 2324he shall have no desires.
line 2325PAGESo think I too.
line 2326Devise but how you’ll use him when he comes,
line 2327And let us two devise to bring him thither.
line 2328There is an old tale goes that Herne the Hunter,
30line 2329Sometime a keeper here in Windsor Forest,
line 2330Doth all the wintertime, at still midnight,
line 2331Walk round about an oak, with great ragged horns,
line 2332And there he blasts the tree, and takes the cattle,
line 2333And makes milch-kine yield blood, and shakes a
35line 2334chain
line 2335In a most hideous and dreadful manner.
line 2336You have heard of such a spirit, and well you know
line 2337The superstitious idle-headed eld
line 2338Received and did deliver to our age
40line 2339This tale of Herne the Hunter for a truth.
line 2340Why, yet there want not many that do fear
line 2341In deep of night to walk by this Herne’s oak.
line 2342But what of this?
line 2343MISTRESS FORDMarry, this is our device,
45line 2344That Falstaff at that oak shall meet with us.
line 2345Well, let it not be doubted but he’ll come.
line 2346And in this shape when you have brought him
line 2347thither,
line 2348What shall be done with him? What is your plot?
50line 2349That likewise have we thought upon, and thus:
line 2350Nan Page my daughter, and my little son,
Act 4 Scene 4 - Pg 163 line 2351And three or four more of their growth we’ll dress
line 2352Like urchins, aufs, and fairies, green and white,
line 2353With rounds of waxen tapers on their heads
55line 2354And rattles in their hands. Upon a sudden,
line 2355As Falstaff, she, and I are newly met,
line 2356Let them from forth a sawpit rush at once
line 2357With some diffusèd song. Upon their sight,
line 2358We two in great amazedness will fly.
60line 2359Then let them all encircle him about,
line 2360And, fairy-like, to pinch the unclean knight,
line 2361And ask him why, that hour of fairy revel,
line 2362In their so sacred paths he dares to tread
line 2363In shape profane.
65line 2364FORDAnd till he tell the truth,
line 2365Let the supposèd fairies pinch him sound
line 2366And burn him with their tapers.
line 2367MISTRESS PAGEThe truth being known,
line 2368We’ll all present ourselves, dis-horn the spirit,
70line 2369And mock him home to Windsor.
line 2370FORDThe children must
line 2371Be practiced well to this, or they’ll ne’er do ’t.
line 2372SIR HUGHI will teach the children their behaviors, and
line 2373I will be like a jackanapes also, to burn the knight
75line 2374with my taber.
line 2375FORDThat will be excellent. I’ll go buy them vizards.
line 2376My Nan shall be the queen of all the fairies,
line 2377Finely attirèd in a robe of white.
line 2378That silk will I go buy. Aside. And in that time
80line 2379Shall Master Slender steal my Nan away
line 2380And marry her at Eton.—Go, send to Falstaff
line 2381straight.
line 2382Nay, I’ll to him again in name of Brook.
line 2383He’ll tell me all his purpose. Sure he’ll come.
Act 4 Scene 5 - Pg 165 MISTRESS PAGE
85line 2384Fear not you that. Go get us properties
line 2385And tricking for our fairies.
line 2386SIR HUGHLet us about it. It is admirable pleasures and
line 2387fery honest knaveries.

Page, Ford, and Sir Hugh exit.

line 2388MISTRESS PAGEGo, Mistress Ford,
90line 2389Send quickly to Sir John to know his mind.

Mistress Ford exits.

line 2390I’ll to the doctor. He hath my good will,
line 2391And none but he, to marry with Nan Page.
line 2392That Slender, though well-landed, is an idiot,
line 2393And he my husband best of all affects.
95line 2394The doctor is well-moneyed, and his friends
line 2395Potent at court. He, none but he, shall have her,
line 2396Though twenty thousand worthier come to crave her.

She exits.

Scene 5

Enter Host and Simple.

line 2397HOSTWhat wouldst thou have, boor? What, thickskin?
line 2398Speak, breathe, discuss; brief, short, quick,
line 2399snap.
line 2400SIMPLEMarry, sir, I come to speak with Sir John Falstaff
5line 2401from Master Slender.
line 2402HOSTThere’s his chamber, his house, his castle, his
line 2403standing-bed and truckle-bed. ’Tis painted about
line 2404with the story of the Prodigal, fresh and new. Go,
line 2405knock and call. He’ll speak like an Anthropophaginian
10line 2406unto thee. Knock, I say.
line 2407SIMPLEThere’s an old woman, a fat woman, gone up
line 2408into his chamber. I’ll be so bold as stay, sir, till she
line 2409come down. I come to speak with her, indeed.
line 2410HOSTHa? A fat woman? The knight may be robbed.
15line 2411I’ll call.—Bully knight! Bully Sir John! Speak from
Act 4 Scene 5 - Pg 167 line 2412thy lungs military. Art thou there? It is thine Host,
line 2413thine Ephesian, calls.
line 2414FALSTAFFwithin How now, mine Host?
line 2415HOSTHere’s a Bohemian Tartar tarries the coming
20line 2416down of thy fat woman. Let her descend, bully, let
line 2417her descend. My chambers are honorable. Fie! Privacy?
line 2418Fie!

Enter Sir John Falstaff.

line 2419FALSTAFFThere was, mine Host, an old fat woman
line 2420even now with me, but she’s gone.
25line 2421SIMPLEPray you, sir, was ’t not the wise woman of
line 2422Brentford?
line 2423FALSTAFFAy, marry, was it, mussel-shell. What would
line 2424you with her?
line 2425SIMPLEMy master, sir, my Master Slender, sent to her,
30line 2426seeing her go through the streets, to know, sir,
line 2427whether one Nym, sir, that beguiled him of a chain,
line 2428had the chain or no.
line 2429FALSTAFFI spake with the old woman about it.
line 2430SIMPLEAnd what says she, I pray, sir?
35line 2431FALSTAFFMarry, she says that the very same man that
line 2432beguiled Master Slender of his chain cozened him
line 2433of it.
line 2434SIMPLEI would I could have spoken with the woman
line 2435herself. I had other things to have spoken with her
40line 2436too from him.
line 2437FALSTAFFWhat are they? Let us know.
line 2438HOSTAy, come. Quick!
line 2439SIMPLEI may not conceal them, sir.
line 2440HOSTConceal them, or thou diest.
45line 2441SIMPLEWhy, sir, they were nothing but about Mistress
line 2442Anne Page, to know if it were my master’s fortune
line 2443to have her or no.
line 2444FALSTAFF’Tis; ’tis his fortune.
line 2445SIMPLEWhat, sir?
Act 4 Scene 5 - Pg 169 50line 2446FALSTAFFTo have her or no. Go. Say the woman told
line 2447me so.
line 2448SIMPLEMay I be bold to say so, sir?
line 2449FALSTAFFAy, sir; like who more bold.
line 2450SIMPLEI thank your Worship. I shall make my master
55line 2451glad with these tidings.He exits.
line 2452HOSTThou art clerkly, thou art clerkly, Sir John. Was
line 2453there a wise woman with thee?
line 2454FALSTAFFAy, that there was, mine Host, one that hath
line 2455taught me more wit than ever I learned before in
60line 2456my life. And I paid nothing for it neither, but was
line 2457paid for my learning.

Enter Bardolph.

line 2458BARDOLPHto Host Out, alas, sir, cozenage, mere
line 2459cozenage!
line 2460HOSTWhere be my horses? Speak well of them,
65line 2461varletto.
line 2462BARDOLPHRun away with the cozeners. For so soon as
line 2463I came beyond Eton, they threw me off from behind
line 2464one of them in a slough of mire, and set
line 2465spurs, and away, like three German devils, three
70line 2466Doctor Faustuses.
line 2467HOSTThey are gone but to meet the Duke, villain. Do
line 2468not say they be fled. Germans are honest men.

Enter Sir Hugh Evans.

line 2469SIR HUGHWhere is mine Host?
line 2470HOSTWhat is the matter, sir?
75line 2471SIR HUGHHave a care of your entertainments. There is
line 2472a friend of mine come to town tells me there is
line 2473three cozen-Germans that has cozened all the
line 2474hosts of Readings, of Maidenhead, of Colnbrook,
line 2475of horses and money. I tell you for good will, look
80line 2476you. You are wise, and full of gibes and vlouting-stocks,
line 2477and ’tis not convenient you should be cozened.
line 2478Fare you well.He exits.
Act 4 Scene 5 - Pg 171

Enter Doctor Caius.

line 2479DOCTOR CAIUSVere is mine Host de Jarteer?
line 2480HOSTHere, Master Doctor, in perplexity and doubtful
85line 2481dilemma.
line 2482DOCTOR CAIUSI cannot tell vat is dat. But it is tell-a me
line 2483dat you make grand preparation for a duke de
line 2484Jamanie. By my trot, dere is no duke that the court
line 2485is know to come. I tell you for good will. Adieu.

He exits.

90line 2486HOSTto Bardolph Hue and cry, villain, go!—Assist
line 2487me, knight. I am undone.—Fly, run; hue and cry,
line 2488villain! I am undone.Host and Bardolph exit.
line 2489FALSTAFFI would all the world might be cozened, for I
line 2490have been cozened and beaten too. If it should
95line 2491come to the ear of the court how I have been transformed,
line 2492and how my transformation hath been
line 2493washed and cudgeled, they would melt me out of
line 2494my fat drop by drop, and liquor fishermen’s boots
line 2495with me. I warrant they would whip me with their
100line 2496fine wits till I were as crestfallen as a dried pear. I
line 2497never prospered since I forswore myself at
line 2498primero. Well, if my wind were but long enough, I
line 2499would repent.

Enter Mistress Quickly.

line 2500Now, whence come you?
105line 2501MISTRESS QUICKLYFrom the two parties, forsooth.
line 2502FALSTAFFThe devil take one party, and his dam the
line 2503other, and so they shall be both bestowed. I have
line 2504suffered more for their sakes, more than the villainous
line 2505inconstancy of man’s disposition is able to
110line 2506bear.
line 2507MISTRESS QUICKLYAnd have not they suffered? Yes, I
line 2508warrant, speciously one of them. Mistress Ford,
Act 4 Scene 6 - Pg 173 line 2509good heart, is beaten black and blue that you cannot
line 2510see a white spot about her.
115line 2511FALSTAFFWhat tell’st thou me of black and blue? I was
line 2512beaten myself into all the colors of the rainbow,
line 2513and I was like to be apprehended for the witch of
line 2514Brentford. But that my admirable dexterity of wit,
line 2515my counterfeiting the action of an old woman, delivered
120line 2516me, the knave constable had set me i’ th’
line 2517stocks, i’ th’ common stocks, for a witch.
line 2518MISTRESS QUICKLYSir, let me speak with you in your
line 2519chamber. You shall hear how things go, and, I warrant,
line 2520to your content. Here is a letter will say
125line 2521somewhat. She gives him a paper. Good hearts,
line 2522what ado here is to bring you together! Sure, one
line 2523of you does not serve heaven well, that you are so
line 2524crossed.
line 2525FALSTAFFCome up into my chamber.

They exit.

Scene 6

Enter Fenton and Host.

line 2526HOSTMaster Fenton, talk not to me. My mind is
line 2527heavy. I will give over all.
line 2528Yet hear me speak. Assist me in my purpose,
line 2529And, as I am a gentleman, I’ll give thee
5line 2530A hundred pound in gold more than your loss.
line 2531HOSTI will hear you, Master Fenton, and I will, at the
line 2532least, keep your counsel.
line 2533From time to time I have acquainted you
line 2534With the dear love I bear to fair Anne Page,
10line 2535Who mutually hath answered my affection,
line 2536So far forth as herself might be her chooser,
Act 4 Scene 6 - Pg 175 line 2537Even to my wish. I have a letter from her
line 2538Of such contents as you will wonder at,
line 2539The mirth whereof so larded with my matter
15line 2540That neither singly can be manifested
line 2541Without the show of both. Fat Falstaff
line 2542Hath a great scene; the image of the jest
line 2543I’ll show you here at large. He shows the Host a paper.
line 2544Hark, good mine Host:
20line 2545Tonight at Herne’s oak, just ’twixt twelve and one,
line 2546Must my sweet Nan present the Fairy Queen—
line 2547The purpose why is here—in which disguise,
line 2548While other jests are something rank on foot,
line 2549Her father hath commanded her to slip
25line 2550Away with Slender, and with him at Eton
line 2551Immediately to marry. She hath consented. Now, sir,
line 2552Her mother, ever strong against that match
line 2553And firm for Doctor Caius, hath appointed
line 2554That he shall likewise shuffle her away,
30line 2555While other sports are tasking of their minds,
line 2556And at the dean’ry, where a priest attends,
line 2557Straight marry her. To this her mother’s plot
line 2558She, seemingly obedient, likewise hath
line 2559Made promise to the doctor. Now, thus it rests:
35line 2560Her father means she shall be all in white,
line 2561And in that habit, when Slender sees his time
line 2562To take her by the hand and bid her go,
line 2563She shall go with him. Her mother hath intended
line 2564The better to denote her to the doctor—
40line 2565For they must all be masked and vizarded—
line 2566That quaint in green she shall be loose enrobed,
line 2567With ribbons pendent flaring ’bout her head;
line 2568And when the doctor spies his vantage ripe,
line 2569To pinch her by the hand, and on that token
45line 2570The maid hath given consent to go with him.
Act 4 Scene 6 - Pg 177 HOST
line 2571Which means she to deceive, father or mother?
line 2572Both, my good Host, to go along with me.
line 2573And here it rests, that you’ll procure the vicar
line 2574To stay for me at church ’twixt twelve and one,
50line 2575And, in the lawful name of marrying,
line 2576To give our hearts united ceremony.
line 2577Well, husband your device. I’ll to the vicar.
line 2578Bring you the maid, you shall not lack a priest.
line 2579So shall I evermore be bound to thee;
55line 2580Besides, I’ll make a present recompense.

They exit.


Scene 1

Enter Sir John Falstaff and Mistress Quickly.

line 2581FALSTAFFPrithee, no more prattling. Go. I’ll hold. This
line 2582is the third time; I hope good luck lies in odd numbers.
line 2583Away, go. They say there is divinity in odd
line 2584numbers, either in nativity, chance, or death.
5line 2585Away.
line 2586MISTRESS QUICKLYI’ll provide you a chain, and I’ll do
line 2587what I can to get you a pair of horns.
line 2588FALSTAFFAway, I say! Time wears. Hold up your head,
line 2589and mince.Mistress Quickly exits.

Enter Ford disguised as Brook.

10line 2590How now, Master Brook! Master Brook, the
line 2591matter will be known tonight or never. Be you in
line 2592the park about midnight, at Herne’s oak, and you
line 2593shall see wonders.
line 2594FORDas Brook Went you not to her yesterday, sir, as
15line 2595you told me you had appointed?
line 2596FALSTAFFI went to her, Master Brook, as you see,
line 2597like a poor old man, but I came from her, Master
line 2598Brook, like a poor old woman. That same knave
line 2599Ford, her husband, hath the finest mad devil of
20line 2600jealousy in him, Master Brook, that ever governed
line 2601frenzy. I will tell you, he beat me grievously,
line 2602in the shape of a woman; for in the shape of man,
Act 5 Scene 3 - Pg 183 line 2603Master Brook, I fear not Goliath with a weaver’s
line 2604beam, because I know also life is a shuttle. I am in
25line 2605haste. Go along with me; I’ll tell you all, Master
line 2606Brook. Since I plucked geese, played truant, and
line 2607whipped top, I knew not what ’twas to be beaten
line 2608till lately. Follow me. I’ll tell you strange things of
line 2609this knave Ford, on whom tonight I will be revenged,
30line 2610and I will deliver his wife into your hand.
line 2611Follow. Strange things in hand, Master Brook!
line 2612Follow.

They exit.

Scene 2

Enter Page, Shallow, and Slender.

line 2613PAGECome, come. We’ll couch i’ th’ castle ditch till we
line 2614see the light of our fairies.—Remember, son Slender,
line 2615my—
line 2616SLENDERAy, forsooth, I have spoke with her, and we
5line 2617have a nayword how to know one another. I come
line 2618to her in white and cry “mum,” she cries “budget,”
line 2619and by that we know one another.
line 2620SHALLOWThat’s good too. But what needs either your
line 2621“mum” or her “budget”? The white will decipher
10line 2622her well enough. It hath struck ten o’clock.
line 2623PAGEThe night is dark. Light and spirits will become
line 2624it well. Heaven prosper our sport! No man means
line 2625evil but the devil, and we shall know him by his
line 2626horns. Let’s away. Follow me.

They exit.

Scene 3

Enter Mistress Page, Mistress Ford, and Doctor Caius.

line 2627MISTRESS PAGEMaster Doctor, my daughter is in
line 2628green. When you see your time, take her by the
Act 5 Scene 4 - Pg 185 line 2629hand; away with her to the deanery, and dispatch
line 2630it quickly. Go before into the park. We two must go
5line 2631together.
line 2632DOCTOR CAIUSI know vat I have to do. Adieu.
line 2633MISTRESS PAGEFare you well, sir.Caius exits.
line 2634My husband will not rejoice so much at the abuse
line 2635of Falstaff as he will chafe at the doctor’s marrying
10line 2636my daughter. But ’tis no matter. Better a little chiding
line 2637than a great deal of heartbreak.
line 2638MISTRESS FORDWhere is Nan now, and her troop of
line 2639fairies, and the Welsh devil Hugh?
line 2640MISTRESS PAGEThey are all couched in a pit hard by
15line 2641Herne’s oak, with obscured lights, which, at the
line 2642very instant of Falstaff’s and our meeting, they will
line 2643at once display to the night.
line 2644MISTRESS FORDThat cannot choose but amaze him.
line 2645MISTRESS PAGEIf he be not amazed, he will be
20line 2646mocked. If he be amazed, he will every way be
line 2647mocked.
line 2648MISTRESS FORDWe’ll betray him finely.
line 2649Against such lewdsters and their lechery,
line 2650Those that betray them do no treachery.
25line 2651MISTRESS FORDThe hour draws on. To the oak, to the
line 2652oak!

They exit.

Scene 4

Enter Sir Hugh Evans and boys disguised, like him, as Fairies.

line 2653SIR HUGHTrib, trib, fairies! Come, and remember
line 2654your parts. Be pold, I pray you. Follow me into the
line 2655pit, and when I give the watch-’ords, do as I pid
line 2656you. Come, come; trib, trib.They exit.
Act 5 Scene 5 - Pg 187

Scene 5

Enter Sir John Falstaff wearing a buck’s head.

line 2657FALSTAFFThe Windsor bell hath struck twelve. The
line 2658minute draws on. Now, the hot-blooded gods assist
line 2659me! Remember, Jove, thou wast a bull for thy
line 2660Europa; love set on thy horns. O powerful love,
5line 2661that in some respects makes a beast a man, in
line 2662some other a man a beast! You were also, Jupiter,
line 2663a swan for the love of Leda. O omnipotent love,
line 2664how near the god drew to the complexion of a
line 2665goose! A fault done first in the form of a beast; O
10line 2666Jove, a beastly fault! And then another fault in the
line 2667semblance of a fowl; think on ’t, Jove, a foul fault.
line 2668When gods have hot backs, what shall poor men
line 2669do? For me, I am here a Windsor stag, and the fattest,
line 2670I think, i’ th’ forest. Send me a cool rut-time,
15line 2671Jove, or who can blame me to piss my tallow?

Enter Mistress Page and Mistress Ford.

line 2672Who comes here? My doe?
line 2673MISTRESS FORDSir John? Art thou there, my deer, my
line 2674male deer?
line 2675FALSTAFFMy doe with the black scut! Let the sky rain
20line 2676potatoes, let it thunder to the tune of “Greensleeves,”
line 2677hail kissing-comfits, and snow eryngoes; let there
line 2678come a tempest of provocation, I will shelter me
line 2679here.He embraces her.
line 2680MISTRESS FORDMistress Page is come with me,
25line 2681sweetheart.
line 2682FALSTAFFDivide me like a bribed buck, each a haunch.
line 2683I will keep my sides to myself, my shoulders for
line 2684the fellow of this walk, and my horns I bequeath
line 2685your husbands. Am I a woodman, ha? Speak I like
30line 2686Herne the Hunter? Why, now is Cupid a child of
line 2687conscience; he makes restitution. As I am a true
line 2688spirit, welcome.A noise of horns within.
Act 5 Scene 5 - Pg 189 line 2689MISTRESS PAGEAlas, what noise?
line 2690MISTRESS FORDHeaven forgive our sins!
35line 2691FALSTAFFWhat should this be?
line 2692MISTRESS FORD and MISTRESS PAGEAway, away.

The two women run off.

line 2693FALSTAFFI think the devil will not have me damned,
line 2694lest the oil that’s in me should set hell on fire. He
line 2695would never else cross me thus.

Enter Mistress Quickly, Pistol, Sir Hugh Evans, Anne Page and boys, all disguised as Fairies and carrying tapers.

40line 2696Fairies black, gray, green, and white,
line 2697You moonshine revelers and shades of night,
line 2698You orphan heirs of fixèd destiny,
line 2699Attend your office and your quality.
line 2700Crier Hobgoblin, make the fairy oyes.
PISTOLas Hobgoblin
45line 2701Elves, list your names. Silence, you airy toys!—
line 2702Cricket, to Windsor chimneys shalt thou leap,
line 2703Where fires thou find’st unraked and hearths
line 2704unswept.
line 2705There pinch the maids as blue as bilberry.
50line 2706Our radiant queen hates sluts and sluttery.
line 2707They are fairies. He that speaks to them shall die.
line 2708I’ll wink and couch. No man their works must eye.

He crouches down and covers his eyes.

SIR HUGHas a fairy
line 2709Where’s Bead? Go you, and where you find a maid
line 2710That ere she sleep has thrice her prayers said,
55line 2711Raise up the organs of her fantasy;
line 2712Sleep she as sound as careless infancy.
line 2713But those as sleep and think not on their sins,
line 2714Pinch them, arms, legs, backs, shoulders, sides, and
line 2715shins.
Act 5 Scene 5 - Pg 191 60line 2716MISTRESS QUICKLYas Fairy Queen About, about!
line 2717Search Windsor Castle, elves, within and out.
line 2718Strew good luck, aufs, on every sacred room,
line 2719That it may stand till the perpetual doom
line 2720In state as wholesome as in state ’tis fit,
65line 2721Worthy the owner, and the owner it.
line 2722The several chairs of order look you scour
line 2723With juice of balm and every precious flower.
line 2724Each fair installment, coat, and sev’ral crest
line 2725With loyal blazon evermore be blest!
70line 2726And nightly, meadow fairies, look you sing,
line 2727Like to the Garter’s compass, in a ring.
line 2728Th’ expressure that it bears, green let it be,
line 2729More fertile-fresh than all the field to see;
line 2730And Honi soit qui mal y pense write
75line 2731In em’rald tufts, flowers purple, blue, and white,
line 2732Like sapphire, pearl, and rich embroidery,
line 2733Buckled below fair knighthood’s bending knee.
line 2734Fairies use flowers for their charactery.
line 2735Away, disperse! But till ’tis one o’clock,
80line 2736Our dance of custom round about the oak
line 2737Of Herne the Hunter let us not forget.
SIR HUGHas a fairy
line 2738Pray you, lock hand in hand. Yourselves in order set;
line 2739And twenty glowworms shall our lanterns be,
line 2740To guide our measure round about the tree.
85line 2741But stay! I smell a man of Middle Earth.
line 2742FALSTAFFaside Heavens defend me from that Welsh
line 2743fairy, lest he transform me to a piece of cheese.
PISTOLas Hobgoblin, to Falstaff
line 2744Vile worm, thou wast o’erlooked even in thy birth.
MISTRESS QUICKLYas Fairy Queen, to Sir Hugh
line 2745With trial-fire touch me his finger-end.
90line 2746If he be chaste, the flame will back descend
line 2747And turn him to no pain. But if he start,
line 2748It is the flesh of a corrupted heart.
Act 5 Scene 5 - Pg 193 PISTOLas Hobgoblin
line 2749A trial, come!
line 2750SIR HUGHas a fairy Come, will this wood take fire?

Sir Hugh puts a taper to Falstaff’s finger, and he starts.

95line 2751FALSTAFFO, O, O!
line 2752Corrupt, corrupt, and tainted in desire!
line 2753About him, fairies. Sing a scornful rhyme,
line 2754And, as you trip, still pinch him to your time.

Here they pinch him and sing about him, and Doctor Caius comes one way and steals away a boy in white. And Slender comes another way; he takes a boy in green. And Fenton steals Mistress Anne Page.

line 2755Fie on sinful fantasy!
100line 2756Fie on lust and luxury!
line 2757Lust is but a bloody fire
line 2758Kindled with unchaste desire,
line 2759Fed in heart whose flames aspire
line 2760As thoughts do blow them higher and higher.
105line 2761Pinch him, fairies, mutually;
line 2762Pinch him for his villainy.
line 2763Pinch him and burn him and turn him about,
line 2764Till candles and starlight and moonshine be out.

A noise of hunting is made within, and all the fairies run away from Falstaff, who pulls off his buck’s head and rises up. Enter Page, Mistress Page, Mistress Ford and Ford.

PAGEto Falstaff
line 2765Nay, do not fly. I think we have watched you now.
110line 2766Will none but Herne the Hunter serve your turn?
line 2767I pray you, come, hold up the jest no higher.—
line 2768Now, good Sir John, how like you Windsor wives?
Act 5 Scene 5 - Pg 195

She points to the horns.

line 2769See you these, husband? Do not these fair yokes
line 2770Become the forest better than the town?
115line 2771FORDto Falstaff Now, sir, who’s a cuckold now?
line 2772Master Brook, Falstaff’s a knave, a cuckoldly
line 2773knave. Here are his horns, Master Brook. And,
line 2774Master Brook, he hath enjoyed nothing of Ford’s
line 2775but his buck-basket, his cudgel, and twenty
120line 2776pounds of money, which must be paid to Master
line 2777Brook. His horses are arrested for it, Master
line 2778Brook.
line 2779MISTRESS FORDSir John, we have had ill luck. We
line 2780could never meet. I will never take you for my love
125line 2781again, but I will always count you my deer.
line 2782FALSTAFFI do begin to perceive that I am made an ass.
line 2783FORDAy, and an ox too. Both the proofs are extant.
line 2784FALSTAFFAnd these are not fairies. I was three or four
line 2785times in the thought they were not fairies; and yet
130line 2786the guiltiness of my mind, the sudden surprise of
line 2787my powers, drove the grossness of the foppery into
line 2788a received belief, in despite of the teeth of all
line 2789rhyme and reason, that they were fairies. See now
line 2790how wit may be made a Jack-a-Lent when ’tis upon
135line 2791ill employment.
line 2792SIR HUGHSir John Falstaff, serve Got and leave your
line 2793desires, and fairies will not pinse you.
line 2794FORDWell said, Fairy Hugh.
line 2795SIR HUGHAnd leave you your jealousies too, I pray
140line 2796you.
line 2797FORDI will never mistrust my wife again till thou art
line 2798able to woo her in good English.
line 2799FALSTAFFHave I laid my brain in the sun and dried it,
line 2800that it wants matter to prevent so gross o’erreaching
145line 2801as this? Am I ridden with a Welsh goat too?
line 2802Shall I have a coxcomb of frieze? ’Tis time I were
line 2803choked with a piece of toasted cheese.
Act 5 Scene 5 - Pg 197 line 2804SIR HUGHSeese is not good to give putter. Your belly is
line 2805all putter.
150line 2806FALSTAFF“Seese” and “putter”? Have I lived to stand at
line 2807the taunt of one that makes fritters of English?
line 2808This is enough to be the decay of lust and late
line 2809walking through the realm.
line 2810MISTRESS PAGEWhy, Sir John, do you think though we
155line 2811would have thrust virtue out of our hearts by the
line 2812head and shoulders, and have given ourselves
line 2813without scruple to hell, that ever the devil could
line 2814have made you our delight?
line 2815FORDWhat, a hodge-pudding? A bag of flax?
160line 2816MISTRESS PAGEA puffed man?
line 2817PAGEOld, cold, withered, and of intolerable entrails?
line 2818FORDAnd one that is as slanderous as Satan?
line 2819PAGEAnd as poor as Job?
line 2820FORDAnd as wicked as his wife?
165line 2821SIR HUGHAnd given to fornications, and to taverns,
line 2822and sack, and wine, and metheglins, and to drinkings
line 2823and swearings and starings, pribbles and
line 2824prabbles?
line 2825FALSTAFFWell, I am your theme. You have the start of
170line 2826me. I am dejected. I am not able to answer the
line 2827Welsh flannel. Ignorance itself is a plummet o’er
line 2828me. Use me as you will.
line 2829FORDMarry, sir, we’ll bring you to Windsor to one
line 2830Master Brook, that you have cozened of money,
175line 2831to whom you should have been a pander. Over and
line 2832above that you have suffered, I think to repay that
line 2833money will be a biting affliction.
line 2834PAGEYet be cheerful, knight. Thou shalt eat a posset
line 2835tonight at my house, where I will desire thee to
180line 2836laugh at my wife, that now laughs at thee. Tell her
line 2837Master Slender hath married her daughter.
line 2838MISTRESS PAGEaside Doctors doubt that. If Anne
line 2839Page be my daughter, she is, by this, Doctor Caius’
line 2840wife.
Act 5 Scene 5 - Pg 199

Enter Slender.

185line 2841SLENDERWhoa, ho, ho, Father Page!
line 2842PAGESon, how now! How now, son! Have you
line 2843dispatched?
line 2844SLENDER“Dispatched”? I’ll make the best in Gloucestershire
line 2845know on ’t. Would I were hanged, la, else!
190line 2846PAGEOf what, son?
line 2847SLENDERI came yonder at Eton to marry Mistress
line 2848Anne Page, and she’s a great lubberly boy. If it had
line 2849not been i’ th’ church, I would have swinged him,
line 2850or he should have swinged me. If I did not think it
195line 2851had been Anne Page, would I might never stir! And
line 2852’tis a post-master’s boy.
line 2853PAGEUpon my life, then, you took the wrong—
line 2854SLENDERWhat need you tell me that? I think so, when
line 2855I took a boy for a girl. If I had been married to him,
200line 2856for all he was in woman’s apparel, I would not
line 2857have had him.
line 2858PAGEWhy, this is your own folly. Did not I tell you
line 2859how you should know my daughter by her
line 2860garments?
205line 2861SLENDERI went to her in white, and cried “mum,”
line 2862and she cried “budget,” as Anne and I had appointed,
line 2863and yet it was not Anne, but a post-master’s
line 2864boy.
line 2865MISTRESS PAGEGood George, be not angry. I knew of
210line 2866your purpose, turned my daughter into green,
line 2867and indeed she is now with the doctor at the deanery,
line 2868and there married.

Enter Doctor Caius.

line 2869DOCTOR CAIUSVere is Mistress Page? By gar, I am cozened!
line 2870I ha’ married I ha’ married , a boy; un paysan, by
215line 2871gar, a boy. It is not Anne Page. By gar, I am
line 2872cozened.
Act 5 Scene 5 - Pg 201 line 2873MISTRESS PAGEWhy? Did you take her in green?
line 2874DOCTOR CAIUSAy, be gar, and ’tis a boy. Be gar, I’ll raise
line 2875all Windsor.
220line 2876FORDThis is strange. Who hath got the right Anne?

Enter Fenton and Anne Page.

line 2877PAGEMy heart misgives me. Here comes Master Fenton.—
line 2878How now, Master Fenton!
line 2879ANNEPardon, good father. Good my mother, pardon.
line 2880PAGENow, mistress, how chance you went not with
225line 2881Master Slender?
line 2882Why went you not with Master Doctor, maid?
line 2883You do amaze her. Hear the truth of it.
line 2884You would have married her most shamefully,
line 2885Where there was no proportion held in love.
230line 2886The truth is, she and I, long since contracted,
line 2887Are now so sure that nothing can dissolve us.
line 2888Th’ offense is holy that she hath committed,
line 2889And this deceit loses the name of craft,
line 2890Of disobedience, or unduteous title,
235line 2891Since therein she doth evitate and shun
line 2892A thousand irreligious cursèd hours
line 2893Which forcèd marriage would have brought upon her.
FORDto Page and Mistress Page
line 2894Stand not amazed. Here is no remedy.
line 2895In love the heavens themselves do guide the state.
240line 2896Money buys lands, and wives are sold by fate.
line 2897FALSTAFFI am glad, though you have ta’en a special
line 2898stand to strike at me, that your arrow hath
line 2899glanced.
line 2900Well, what remedy? Fenton, heaven give thee joy.
245line 2901What cannot be eschewed must be embraced.
Act 5 Scene 5 - Pg 203 FALSTAFF
line 2902When night-dogs run, all sorts of deer are chased.
line 2903Well, I will muse no further.—Master Fenton,
line 2904Heaven give you many, many merry days.—
line 2905Good husband, let us every one go home
250line 2906And laugh this sport o’er by a country fire—
line 2907Sir John and all.
line 2908FORDLet it be so, Sir John.
line 2909To Master Brook you yet shall hold your word,
line 2910For he tonight shall lie with Mistress Ford.

They exit.

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